Hank Stein: "There’s A Media Conspiracy Against The Yankees"

In the world according to Hank, everyone's in on the anti-Yankee conspiracy.
I gotta hand it to Hank, he is really filling George’s crazy statement void in a big way. He seems just as out of touch with reality as his old man, and that is terrific because it is going to make for a ton of great blog post opportunities, including this one here (though this probably doesn't rise to the level of "great).

So Hank thinks that the increased popularity in the Red Sox is akin to the Yeti or the Global Warming. Just a figment of our imagination and those who keep fostering the idea have some sordid anti-Yankee agenda. Amittedly I’m putting an awful lot of spin on the below quote but the greater point is that to even suggest that ESPN, or any sports media outlet, is somehow "biased" AGAINST the Yankees is not simply wrong--though it is unquestionably a false statement–but completely insane:

"Red Sox Nation?" Hank says. "What a bunch of [expletive] that is. That was a creation of the Red Sox and ESPN, which is filled with Red Sox fans. Go anywhere in America and you won’t see Red Sox hats and jackets, you’ll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We’re going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order."

So ESPN gives more love to the Sox than the Yanks? They sent Chris Connelly to do a tear-jerker piece about a Yankees MIDDLE RELIEVER’s dad last year. The only time the Sox and their fans were in the news more often than the Yanks over the last couple of years was when they Won the F'n series... and even then they were upstaged by A-Rod's contract fiasco. That was followed closely by the Joe Torre situation (DOZENS of hours of airtime) and then Clemens and Pettitte. If there is a bias against the Yankees, how are the Royals supposed to feel?

Now, I would agree that the Sox have WAY outmarketed the Yanks in terms of creating a brand for their fan-base (for better or worse) and ESPN is certainly complicit in that growth, but who are the Yanks to complain about the overexposure of another team? There is not a day that goes by that we don’t hear about the Yankees. It made news when we learned that Joba would be limited to 150 innings and likely start in the bullpen! Can you even name a middle reliever on another team? I don’t think there are a whole lot of tears being shed for the lack of exposure for the Yanks.

What I also enjoyed about this quote was Hank coming off as that guy who walks into a grocery store and can’t find the blackjack gum or RC Cola and gets pissed when he can’t find the showtimes for the Drive-in or can’t understand why the picture on his wall is moving around and talking to him. I know this new world with all its gizmos and gadgets must be awfully confusing, but we’ve come a long way since 1955. The first thing that Hank needs to realize is that the Yankees teams that "ruled the universe" are no longer. The league is much more competitive and even though the Yankees are STILL the most popular team, they won’t get back to their glory days of the 30's, 60's and 90's until they get some pitching. They may have the worst starting pitching staff in their division and possibly the third worst in the American League. But more importantly, who the fuck wears a Yankees or Red Sox jacket? Are we talking High School Letterman Jackets or windbreakers or something? I don’t think anyone is suggesting that the fans across the country are walking around in Red Sox leather jackets. I’m pretty sure the Starter Jacket fad went the way of "French-rolled" pants and the NHL. I can just picture Hank talking with his head of marketing about the new products for the 2008 season and suggesting a line of Yankees parachute pants or perhaps a felt Boller or Derby.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the Hank Steinbrenner era is going to be a friggin treat.

Bobby Gonzalez Goes Gonzo On His Assistant Coaches

This is an artist's rendering of the moments that led up to the fracas between Bobby Gonzalez and his assistant coaches.
As first mentioned by ESPN's Pat Forde this week, a coach was viewed while engaged in hand-to-hand combat with one at least one of his assistant coaches during halftime of a recent Big East basketball game:

"Spies tell The Minutes that a Big East coach who shall remain nameless recently got into a halftime argument with one of his assistants in a hallway outside the locker room. According to a source, it escalated to the point where punches were thrown."

This, of course, led to the inevitable blog / message board dirt digging and that coach is nameless no more. Turns out (according to The Big Lead the coach in question was none other than Seton Hall's up and coming young coach Bobby Gonzalez:

"Two independent sources we spoke with claim that the Big East coach who threw fists with one of his assistant coaches was Seton Hall’s Bobby Gonzalez. The sources say that on February 17th, as Seton Hall was headed to the locker room for halftime, trailing West Virginia 45-30, an agitated Gonzalez went “nose-to-nose” with an assistant coach."

If this is true, and the veracity of the story MUST come to light, Bobby is in a bit of trouble. This doesn't rise to a Bobby Knight player choke or even a Kelvin Sampson conference call, but it's probably fairly important for the children of who are being recruited by Seton Hall to know whether or not the future coach of their children is a hothead who can be so easily be agitated that he fights his handpicked assistants. Should be interesting...

New Weekly NFL Draft Feature

This new draft feature will be better than New Coke!
I love the NFL draft. Other than the beginning of the baseball season and perhaps March Madness, the Draft is my favorite event. I also love the absurd coverage and millions of mock drafts that continue to change for no reason in particular. And it is those changes that I am going to focus on. Starting this week, I will be keeping track of 3 different lists and noting the changes in those lists and the reasoning behind those changes. I'll follow the mock draft of Don Banks of SI.com, the mock draft of Todd McShay of Scouts, Inc. and Mel Kiper's Big Board. When changes to the lists are made I will try and point out the reasoning and whether or not it makes any sense or is just media hype. The purpose of this is to prove that hype and media contribute more to the changes in mock drafts than fact and measurables. Hopefully through this "study" my suspicions will be confirmed.

Also, before I go any further, I want to openly declare my love for DE out of Miami, Calais Campbell. He's 6'8", 280lbs, should run the 40 in the 4.6s and is raw as hell. Mario Williams was 6'7", 290lbs and ran a 4.66 40. If Campbell gets in that speed range, he'll go top ten. I want the Pats to take him so badly that I might start a donation jar or petition or something. Campbell is a freak. Go get him.

Anyhoo, here goes nothing.

Don Banks Mock Draft

1 DE Chris Long Virginia Sr. 6-3 266
For the time being at least, I've talked myself out of the notion that Bill Parcells will invest No. 1 overall money in a defensive tackle who may not be a great fit for the 3-4 defense that Miami eventually wants to transition to. So LSU's Glenn Dorsey is out of my top spot and Long is in. Howie Long's boy is the kind of high-intensity player Parcells loves, and you can at least defend the pick in terms of dollars, since pass rushers get paid the big bucks in the NFL. The Dolphins will obviously entertain trade offers for the No. 1 slot -- if there are any -- and Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan is the other viable candidate if Miami isn't sold on second-year QB John Beck.

2 OT Jake Long Michigan Sr. 6-7 309
The Rams took a defensive tackle in Adam Carriker with their first rounder last year, so they likely won't take Dorsey. They re-signed Marc Bulger to a long-term deal, so they can't take Ryan. They have Steven Jackson in the backfield, so running back Darren McFadden makes no sense. That means either shop the pick or take the other Long, who would immediately upgrade the Rams' offensive line, which was a source of constant concern in their disappointing 2007 season.

3 QB Matt Ryan Boston College Sr. 6-5 221
Ryan is on the rise in these, the pre-NFL Combine days, and come draft weekend the Falcons may feel fortunate if he's still hanging around when their pick arrives. If he is, he's a no-brainer for a franchise that had little hope at the game's most pivotal position last season. Should Ryan be gone, Dorsey, Jake Long or McFadden all would fill a need. In other words, the Falcons, if they win that coin flip with Oakland for the No. 3 spot, have at least four quality options to choose from.

4 DT Glenn Dorsey LSU Sr. 6-1 310
The Raiders could go a lot of different ways, including trying to shop the No. 4 pick to anyone interested in McFadden (Dallas, we're looking in your direction), taking McFadden themselves or filling the void at defensive tackle created by Warren Sapp's retirement. If they go for the latter option, it should come down to whether they like Dorsey more than they like USC defensive tackle Sedrick Ellis, who had a strong week at the Senior Bowl and has risen to a top-five grade in the eyes of many scouts.

5 OT Ryan Clady Boise St. Jr. 6-6 317
This is strictly a need pick for the Chiefs, whose glaring inefficiency at offensive line last season was apparent from Week 1 on. We had them taking Michigan tackle Jake Long in our first mock, but he's off our board this time. This is actually too high to take Clady, the second-best tackle in the draft, so Kansas City would be wise to trade down into the No. 8-12 range and try to get him there. Anyone coveting McFadden would be the Chiefs' natural trade partner.

6 RB Darren McFadden Arkansas Jr. 6-2 212
With Thomas Jones on hand, New York isn't really in need of a No. 1 rusher, but McFadden may be too tempting to pass up given that some believe he's the closest thing to Adrian Peterson in this year's draft. USC's Ellis and Ohio State defensive end-outside linebacker Vernon Gholston are two other sensible options for the Jets.

7 DE Vernon Gholston Ohio St. Jr. 6-4 255
Conventional wisdom says the Patriots use this pick to find Asante Samuel's replacement once their No. 1 cornerback leaves via free agency. But New England might see restricted free agent Randall Gay as Samuel's successor, and thus could use this pick to select Gholston, a pass-rushing talent who projects to an outside rush linebacker in a 3-4 defense. The Patriots need inside linebackers more than outside linebackers, but Mike Vrabel could always move back inside to make room for Gholston, and there also a chance that outside linebacker Rosevelt Colvin won't return.
* From San Francisco

8 CB Leodis McKelvin Troy Sr. 5-11 186
With No. 8 now considered too high for Louisville quarterback Brian Brohm, the Ravens could address their need at cornerback, where Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister aren't what they once were. McKelvin is the top-ranked corner, but Baltimore could also find Boise State offensive left tackle Ryan Clady to be a fit if the No. 5 Chiefs pass him up.

9 DT Sedrick Ellis USC Sr. 6-1 308
The Bengals' top need would dovetail perfectly with the best available talent remaining on the board if Ellis is still around. Ellis is the kind of explosive and athletic play-making presence that the Bengals desperately need in their interior defensive line. His good work at the Senior Bowl shot him up into top-four territory on some draft boards, but for the time being we still have him rated below Dorsey among defensive tackles.

10 CB Mike Jenkins South Florida Sr. 6-0 200
With Jason David proving to be more of a nickelback than a starter, and Mike McKenzie suffering a late-season ACL injury, the Saints are desperate for help at cornerback in this draft. Jenkins gets a solid first-round grade, as does Kansas cornerback Aqib Talib. Both should be there for the choosing at No. 10 for the Saints.

11 WR/PR DeSean Jackson Cal Jr. 6-0 179
We're sticking with Jackson for the Bills, even though the other projected first-round receivers -- Malcolm Kelly of Oklahoma, Mario Manningham of Michigan and Limas Sweed of Texas -- all have their strengths. Jackson isn't thought to be as polished a receiver, but he's the best vertical threat with the biggest upside.

12 OT Chris Williams Vanderbilt Sr. 6-5 318
With the retirement of Matt Lepsis, finding a replacement at offensive tackle rises to the top of the Broncos' need list. If Clady is gone, Denver could easily shift its focus to Williams, who has great size and NFL-ready footwork.

13 DE Phillip Merling Clemson Jr. 6-4 275
The Panthers have a number of needs that fit well with their draft slot. They could address their likely vacancy at offensive tackle -- where Travelle Wharton is expected to depart via free agency -- by taking Pitt's Jeff Otah, or give Steve Smith some help by selecting a receiver such as Kelly or Manningham. But Merling is a junior prospect who has been gaining momentum in recent weeks, and Carolina needs youth and more impact in its pass rush.

14 QB Brian Brohm Louisville Sr. 6-3 225
Opinion varies greatly on whether the Bears will go with a quarterback in the first round, and Brohm doesn't currently carry a first-round grade on every draft board. But the Bears can't go through another status quo year at quarterback, and the free-agent pickings are pretty slim. Unless the Bears have a strong conviction about a passer in the second round, we're giving them Brohm over an offensive tackle like Otah or a defensive tackle like North Carolina's Kentwan Balmer.

15 CB Aqib Talib Kansas Jr. 6-2 201
The Lions need an upgrade in the secondary and Talib is a proven play-maker who has prototypical NFL size for a cornerback and can also be a situational receiver on offense. The other area of need that makes sense here is offensive tackle, where Otah and USC's Sam Baker remain possibilities.

16 RB Rashard Mendenhall Illinois Jr. 6-2 203
The Cardinals are in a significant cap crunch this offseason and one of the byproducts of that situation is that Edgerrin James' return for a third season in the desert is not guaranteed. Even if James is back, don't rule out Mendenhall, who some believe will be a better NFL back than the flashier Darren McFadden.

17 DE Derrick Harvey Florida Jr. 6-4 250
With this week's news that 2004 first-round defensive end Kenechi Udeze is battling leukemia, the Vikings have even more motivation to be thinking of improving their pass rush in this year's first round. Minnesota should have its choice between Harvey and 6-foot-8 Miami junior defensive end Calais Campbell.

18 RB Jonathan Stewart Oregon Jr. 5-11 233
We could see the Texans taking Miami safety Kenny Phillips as well, but Stewart is a big, powerful runner who gives Houston its long-term starter in the backfield once the stop-gap Ahman Green era is over.

19 S Kenny Phillips Miami (Fla.) Jr. 6-2 203
The Eagles could make Donovan McNabb happy by taking their highest-rated receiver here -- Manningham, Kelly or Sweed -- but that's rarely the Philly way. A defensive end like Campbell or choosing Phillips, the eventual replacement for 34-year-old free safety Brian Dawkins, is more likely.

20 WR Mario Manningham Michigan Jr. 6-0 188
The Bucs offensive line could get their first-round attention, but given head coach Jon Gruden's tendency to fall in love with offensive play-makers, Manningham or Oklahoma's Kelly are a more likely bet. Manningham doesn't have Kelly's prototypical NFL receiver size, but he's got a track record as a play-maker.

21 WR Malcolm Kelly Oklahoma Jr. 6-4 215
The Redskins have tried to go the small-receiver route without much success. Kelly is 6-4, 215 pounds and scouts rave about his fluid moves and the strength and reliability of his hands. If Washington doesn't go for a receiver in Kelly or Sweed, Campbell or Otah would fill first-round worthy needs.

22 RB Felix Jones Arkansas Jr. 6-0 205
If the Cowboys don't package their two No. 1's in an effort to move up and take Arkansas running back Darren McFadden, maybe they'll sit tight and settle for the Hogs' other play-making rusher. Jones would replace Julius Jones, and become the new half of the Marion Barber-Jones backfield tandem.
* From Cleveland.

23 OT Jeff Otah Pittsburgh Sr. 6-5 339
The Steelers have needs all along the offensive line, and Otah, who played collegiately at Heinz Field, is a good value pick who they are very familiar with. Though he's 6-5 and 339 pounds, Otah is both nimble and athletic and scouts believe he'll continue to improve early on in his NFL career.

24 WR Limas Sweed Texas Sr. 6-4 219
Sweed will likely end the run of first-round receivers at four, and we can't resist the notion of reuniting him with his former Longhorns quarterback, Vince Young. Sweed reaggravated a wrist injury at the Senior Bowl and that bears monitoring, but given the Titans' need for receiving options, he's too good to pass up.

25 TE Fred Davis USC Sr. 6-4 234
The Seahawks would love to set themselves up for the post-Shaun Alexander era with this pick, but McFadden, Mendenhall, Stewart and Jones are all gone, so Seattle must address other areas of need. Davis is the only first-round tight end in the draft, and he'll give the Seahawks passing game a threat in the deep middle the way Jerramy Stevens once did.

26 DE Calais Campbell Miami (Fla.) Jr. 6-8 279
The Jaguars' pass rush needs help at right end, where Bobby McCray and Reggie Hayward are far from dominating. If Campbell slips this far into the first round, Jacksonville should roll the dice on the 6-8, 279-pound junior who gets good marks in both run defense and the pass rush. If the Jags are thinking receiver, LSU's Early Doucet and Indiana's James Hardy are the likely candidates.

27 DT Kentwan Balmer North Carolina Sr. 6-4 297
The Chargers can go a lot of different directions, but Balmer is an on-the-rise talent who's rated in the top half of the first round by some, and he'd give San Diego an eventual replacement for nose tackle Jamal Williams, who just completed his 10th NFL season.

28 CB Dominique-Rodgers Cromartie Tenn. State Sr. 6-2 181
The Cowboys need someone solid opposite cornerback Terence Newman, and the likes of Anthony Henry and Jacques Reeves really isn't getting it done. Rodgers-Cromartie had a great Senior Bowl showing despite his small-school label, and the success of his cousin, San Diego's Antonio Cromartie, also adds to the first-round buzz he has generated in recent weeks.

29 OLB Keith Rivers USC Sr. 6-3 236
The 49ers could be tempted by LSU receiver Early Doucet, USC offensive tackle Sam Baker or Boston College offensive tackle Gosder Cherilus, all of whom would fill huge needs. But Rivers is likely to be the highest-rated player left on their board, and outside linebacker is another need if they don't get into the Lance Briggs sweepstakes.
* From Indianapolis

30 OT Gosder Cherilus Boston College Sr. 6-7 312
The Packers could use an upgrade at offensive tackle, where eight-year veteran Chad Clifton had some late-season injury issues. Cherilus is a newcomer to the first-round projection game, and has risen thanks to a strong week of work at the Senior Bowl. He's probably a right tackle in the NFL, and that's Mark Tauscher's spot in Green Bay, but the Packers need some youth at tackle.

31 Pick forfeited -- -- -- -- --
The Patriots lost this pick as their penalty for the Week 1 Spygate episode.

32 CB Brandon Flowers Virginia Tech Jr. 5-11 192
The Giants top need is at outside linebacker, where Kawika Mitchell could leave in free agency, and where Mathias Kiwanuka has yet to prove he can handle the switch from defensive end. New York hopes Rivers lingers, but if he doesn't, getting a cornerback to replace Sam Madison or a safety (N.C. State's DaJuan Morgan) to take over if Gibril Wilson signs elsewhere makes sense.

Todd McShay Mock Draft

1. Miami Dolphins -- Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Record: 1-15 | Needs: OT, DL, ILB, CB, QB
Previous mock selection: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Assuming for our purposes that the Dolphins are unable to trade down, they will have a difficult decision to make between Ryan, DE Chris Long, OT Jake Long and DT Glenn Dorsey. Either of the Longs makes sense, considering offensive tackle and defensive line are two of the team's biggest needs. Dorsey is considered by many to be the No. 2 player in this year's class, but he's not an ideal fit for a 3-4 defensive scheme and it doesn't make financial sense to spend No. 1-type money on a lineman who will be asked to take up space. That's why Ryan makes a lot of sense.

At the end of the day, it will come down to Bill Parcells' opinion of current Miami QB John Beck, whom the former Dolphins regime drafted in the second round last year. If Parcells thinks he can win with Beck, Jake Long would be the next best option, followed by Chris Long, then Dorsey. If not, Ryan should be the selection. He has all the physical tools of a franchise quarterback and, most importantly, he possesses rare intangibles.

2. St. Louis Rams -- Chris Long, DE, Virginia
Record: 3-13 | Needs: DE, G/OT, CB, OLB, WR
Previous mock selection: Same
The season-ending injury to perennial Pro Bowl tackle Orlando Pace and the Rams' overall poor play along the offensive line in 2007-08 make Jake Long a possibility with this pick. But assuming Pace returns to form, the Rams have a much bigger need along the interior of their offensive line, and tackle can be addressed in free agency or in later rounds of the draft.

Don't be surprised, then, if St. Louis goes with the other Long at No. 2. Chris is not a prototypical edge rusher, but he is a dominant playmaker with rare versatility and a motor that never quits. The Rams could solidify their defensive line for years to come by teaming him with last year's first-round selection, DT Adam Carriker.

3. Atlanta Falcons** -- Darren McFadden*, RB, Arkansas
Record: 4-12 | Needs: QB, OT, DT, RB, S
Previous mock selection: Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Ryan should be the Falcons' selection if he is available, but if he is not, Atlanta will have to make a difficult decision among McFadden, Dorsey and Jake Long. The team has needs at all three positions, so this would be tough choice. McFadden is the top prospect on most teams' draft boards, though, so it is easy to envision this scenario playing out. McFadden could provide the type of offensive boost for the Falcons that Adrian Peterson gave the Vikings last season. That type of potential is tough to pass up.

4. Oakland Raiders** -- Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Record: 4-12 | Needs: OT, DT, WR, DE, RB
Previous mock selection: Darren McFadden*, RB, Arkansas
The Raiders are financially strapped and will not want to dish out top-five money one year after selecting QB JaMarcus Russell with the top overall pick. If McFadden still is on the board, don't count out a blockbuster trade by owner Al Davis, since Cowboys owner and Arkansas alum Jerry Jones already has made his interest known. If Oakland is stuck here with McFadden gone, it will need to choose between Dorsey and Jake Long. While Long is worth the pick, Dorsey is the higher-rated player. He could provide the type of interior disruption the Raiders' defense has been lacking and fill in nicely for Warren Sapp, who announced his retirement following the 2007 season.

5. Kansas City Chiefs** -- Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Record: 4-12 | Needs: OT, DE, C, WR, CB
Previous mock selection: Same
Quarterback still is a question mark, but the Chiefs' No. 1 priority this offseason should be solidifying their offensive front. Long is unquestionably the most dominant offensive lineman in the 2008 class and could help Kansas City achieve its goal in a hurry. He has the versatility to play either right or left tackle, and his combination of size, technique, athletic ability and a mean streak would improve the Chiefs' line almost immediately.

6. New York Jets -- Vernon Gholston*, DE, Ohio State
Record: 4-12 | Needs: WR, NT, OLB, ILB, G
Projected pick: Same
This could be a bit of a reach for Gholston, who flashes top-10 talent in some games (three sacks against Michigan this season) but disappears in too many others. However, don't be surprised if he works his way into the top 10 simply because this year's crop of elite edge rushers does not meet the level of demand. That said, Gholston is one of the premier pass-rushing prospects in the 2008 class, and he would be the right fit as a rush linebacker in the Jets' 3-4 scheme.

7. N.E. Patriots (from 5-11 San Francisco) -- Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
Record: 18-1 | Needs: ILB, CB, OLB, OL depth
Previous mock selection: Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
The Patriots would like to inject some youth at inside linebacker, but there isn't a player worth selecting this high, with USC's Rey Maualuga and Ohio State's James Laurinaitis both returning to school in the fall. The next priority is to find a replacement for Asante Samuel, a free agent who can't be franchised for a second consecutive year. McKelvin currently is the top-rated cornerback in a 2008 crop that is deep but lacks elite talent atop the board. As always, look for the Patriots to shop this pick heavily.

8. Baltimore Ravens -- Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Record: 5-11 | Needs: CB, QB, OLB, LOT, DT
Previous mock selection: Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
Baltimore would like to use this pick to put an end to a seemingly endless pursuit for a franchise quarterback. Unfortunately, there isn't one worth selecting here with Ryan off the board. Instead, the Ravens could go with the best value on the board (Ellis) or fill a hole at either cornerback (Mike Jenkins) or left tackle (Ryan Clady). Knowing the Ravens' draft-day discipline, Ellis will be the pick in this scenario.

9. Cincinnati Bengals -- Derrick Harvey*, DE, Florida
Record: 7-9 | Needs: DT, LB, OT, DE, TE
Previous mock selection: Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
The Bengals have a much bigger need for interior help, but if Dorsey and Ellis are gone, there isn't a defensive tackle worth drafting at No. 9. Harvey is a bit of a reach here, but coach Marvin Lewis' defense is starving for potential playmakers, and Harvey possesses the pass-rushing skills and frame to develop into an impact starter in the NFL.

10. New Orleans Saints -- Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
Record: 7-9 | Needs: CB, MLB, DT, OLB, TE
Previous mock selection: Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina
Cornerback and linebacker are the Saints' biggest areas of need, and Jenkins is the best athlete available at those positions. His combination of size, speed and athleticism is outstanding, and his recognition skills continue to improve each season. Jenkins also brings versatility to the table, since he can play some safety and chip in on returns. If New Orleans uses this pick on a corner, it should find much better value at linebacker early in Round 2.

11. Buffalo Bills -- Malcolm Kelly*, WR, Oklahoma
Record: 7-9 | Needs: WR, CB, TE, LB, DT
Previous mock selection: DeSean Jackson*, WR, California
Kelly is the type of big receiver the Bills need as a complement to current wideout Lee Evans. Kelly is unusually fluid for a bigger wideout and he might have the strongest hands of any player in the 2008 draft. However, Jackson could join forces with RB Marshawn Lynch to give Buffalo one of the most exciting young offensive skill groups in the NFL.

12. Denver Broncos -- Ryan Clady*, OT, Boise State
Record: 7-9 | Needs: OT, DT, S, MLB, G
Previous mock selection: Same
Clady still is improving his strength, but he possesses impressive feet to go along with his enormous wingspan and huge frame. He would be an ideal fit in Denver's famed zone-blocking scheme and give a boost to the Broncos' running game.

13. Carolina Panthers -- Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
Record: 7-9 | Needs: QB, DE, OT, WR, OLB
Previous mock selection: Calais Campbell*, DE, Miami
Instead of drafting a young signal-caller who will need time to develop, look for the Panthers to bring in veteran competition for current QB Matt Moore, who showed some positive signs late in the season. Drafting a defensive end like Campbell to fill a need is a possibility, but don't be surprised if the team looks to fill a hole at offensive tackle, where Travelle Wharton and Jordan Gross are set to become free agents.

14. Chicago Bears -- Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
Record: 7-9 | Needs: QB, LOT, DT, G, RB
Previous mock selection: Andre' Woodson, QB, Kentucky
The Bears will have a tough decision to make if Brohm still is available at No. 14. There has been a lot of talk about the Bears going in a different direction with this pick, including offensive and defensive tackle. And while that makes a lot of sense, I still wouldn't rule out Brohm just yet. His stock is likely to soar between now and April's draft because he should impress scouts with his overall passing efficiency and football intelligence during the combine and individual workouts.

15. Detroit Lions -- Aqib Talib*, CB, Kansas
Record: 7-9 | Needs: ROT, G, CB, S, DE
Projected pick: Same
The Lions will be selecting outside of the top 10 for the first time since 2001, and now the trick is to find quality players this far down the line. The Lions' secondary is undermanned and would welcome the services of Talib, who is a versatile, fluid athlete with excellent size and ball skills. His elite athleticism was on display when returned an interception 100 yards for a touchdown this season, and he also saw some snaps on offense.

16. Arizona Cardinals -- Rashard Mendenhall*, RB, Illinois
Record: 8-8 | Needs: CB, OLB, TE, RB, DE
Previous mock selection: Jonathan Stewart*, RB, Oregon
The Cardinals have more pressing needs on the other side of the ball -- defensive tackle and cornerback -- but there isn't an available player at those positions who is as valuable as Mendenhall. He has the size, burst and versatility to eventually develop into an every-down starter. In the meantime, Mendenhall and Edgerrin James would make a heck of a 1-2 punch for the next year or two.

17. Minnesota Vikings -- DeSean Jackson*, WR/RS, California
Record: 8-8 | Needs: DE, WR, S, QB, TE
Previous mock selection: Derrick Harvey*, DE, Florida
Believe it or not, Minnesota still is in the market for help at wide receiver and defensive end, despite investing first- or second-round picks in the past four drafts on WRs Troy Williamson (2005) and Sidney Rice (2007), and DEs Kenechi Udeze (2004) and Erasmus James (2005). Jackson still has room to improve as a route runner, and he must get stronger in order to endure a grueling 16-game NFL schedule, but his home run ability after the catch, on vertical routes and on punt returns will be tempting for teams drafting in the top 20 overall.

18. Houston Texans -- Jonathan Stewart*, RB, Oregon
Record: 8-8 | Needs: CB, RB, WR, S, LOT, G
Previous mock selection: Kenny Phillips*, S, Miami
The Texans need a featured back to go along with QB Matt Schaub and WR Andre Johnson, and Stewart has the bulk, burst and versatility to quickly fill that role. He also could offer a boost in the kickoff return game.

19. Philadelphia Eagles -- Calais Campbell*, DE, Miami
Record: 8-8 | Needs: WR, TE, DE, OT/G, S, LB
Previous mock selection: Malcolm Kelly*, WR, Oklahoma
Philadelphia OTs Jon Runyan and William Thomas aren't getting any younger, so Pittsburgh OT Jeff Otah is a possibility here. The Eagles also are in search of a home run threat at wide receiver, so don't count out Michigan's Mario Manningham. However, there aren't that many 6-foot-8, 280-pound defensive ends with Campbell's athleticism coming out of the college ranks these days, so don't be surprised if the Eagles take a flyer on this unpolished but supremely talented end.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers -- Mario Manningham*, WR, Michigan
Record: 9-7 | Needs: WR, OT, OLB, CB, QB
Previous mock selection: Sam Baker, OT, USC
Coach John Gruden will be pressing general manager Bruce Allen for a young playmaker at wide receiver, and Allen knows Manningham is capable of special things in the NFL. If Manningham gets with a coach like Gruden at the next level, he could emerge as the most productive wideout from a very talented 2008 class.

21. Washington Redskins -- Phillip Merling*, DE, Clemson
Record: 9-7 | Needs: WR, DE, S, OT, CB
Previous mock selection: Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
Sweed is a possibility here since wide receiver is on the short list of big needs for the Redskins, but Merling is a fast-rising junior prospect who is shooting up the draft boards of many NFL teams. The more we study film of him, the more we like his combination of size (6-4, 275), power and agility, and his ability to get into opposing backfields. Merling has the tools to become an impact starter in the next couple of seasons and would fill an area of need for Washington.

22. Dallas Cowboys (from 10-6 Cleveland) -- Sam Baker, OT, USC
Record: 13-3 | Needs: CB, WR, OT, RB, ILB
Previous mock selection: Mario Manningham*, WR, Michigan
Assuming owner Jerry Jones doesn't package picks to trade up, expect Dallas to use its two picks to address needs at corner, receiver, offensive tackle and possibly running back. Baker's stock is dropping after an injury-plagued senior season and a mediocre showing at the Senior Bowl, but he possesses the athleticism and technique to surprise a lot of people at the next level.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers -- Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh
Record: 10-6 | Needs: OT, C, DE (3-4), G, RB
Previous mock selection: Same
The Steelers could use two of their first three picks on offensive linemen. They have bigger holes to fill inside, but Otah is far and away the best lineman available in this scenario. Interior help is available for a good value in later rounds (Oregon State G Roy Schuening, and centers Mike Pollak of Arizona State and John Sullivan of Notre Dame).

24. Tennessee Titans -- Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
Record: 10-6 | Needs: WR, CB, TE, WR, OL
Previous mock selection: Early Doucet, WR, LSU
The Titans need to draft a legitimate weapon for QB Vince Young to target in the passing attack, and who would be better than Young's former college teammate? Sweed could slip a bit due to a wrist injury that cut his senior season short and was re-aggravated at the Senior Bowl. However, when Sweed is healthy, he is arguably the most physically gifted receiver in this year's class. The 6-4, 217-pounder is worth the risk, in my opinion.

25. Seattle Seahawks -- Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina
Record: 10-6 | Needs: ROT, DT, RB, TE, G
Previous mock selection: Rashard Mendenhall*, RB, Illinois
It is unlikely current Seattle starting RB Shaun Alexander will ever return to his 2005 MVP form, and backup Maurice Morris has proved to be at his best when limited to a complementary role. However, with McFadden, Stewart and Mendenhall all off the board, look for the Seahawks to go in a different direction here. Balmer is a fast-rising prospect with very good size, power and quickness. He would be a welcome addition to Seattle's thin interior defensive line.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars -- Early Doucet, WR, LSU
Record: 11-5 | Needs: WR, DE, SS, CB
Previous mock selection: Quentin Groves, DE, Auburn
The Jaguars should use this pick on the best available receiver or pass-rusher. Groves will be a possibility if he checks out physically at the combine. Doucet is another solid choice this late in the first round, however. While he is unlikely to emerge as anything more than a No. 2 receiver in the NFL, Doucet possesses the quickness and run-after-catch ability to complement Jacksonville's group of bigger receivers.

27. San Diego Chargers -- Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
Record: 11-5 | Needs: RG/ROT, NT, FB, RB
Previous mock selection: Dan Connor, MLB, Penn State
The Chargers can select the best available athlete if they want, but the right side of their offensive line could use an upgrade, and Cherilus projects as a solid starting right tackle in the NFL. Cherilus' stock is on the rise following his impressive showing at the Senior Bowl.

28. Dallas Cowboys -- Felix Jones*, RB, Arkansas
Record: 13-3 | Needs: CB, WR, OT, ILB, RB
Previous mock selection: Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
If owner Jerry Jones can't strike a deal for McFadden, he could settle for Arkansas' other first-round running back prospect. Felix Jones is a speedster who could complement current Dallas RB Marion Barber well and provide a home run threat in the return game.

29. S.F. 49ers (from 13-3 Indianapolis) -- James Hardy*, WR, Indiana
Record: 5-11 | Needs: WR, OT, OLB, DE, QB
Previous mock selection: Same
San Francisco needs a playmaker at wide receiver to take the attention away from TE Vernon Davis and pressure off QB Alex Smith. Hardy comes with some baggage and he needs some polishing, but no receiver in this class possesses a more imposing combination of size and natural athleticism.

30. Green Bay Packers -- Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tenn. St.
Record: 13-3 | Needs: CB, OT, S, TE, PT
Previous mock selection: Fred Davis, TE, USC
Packers QB Brett Favre certainly would welcome the addition of a tight end like Davis, who can stretch the seam and generate yards after the catch. However, the team has a more pressing need in the defensive secondary, and Rodgers-Cromartie is one of the fastest-rising prospects in the 2008 class right now. The small-school product proved capable of playing with the big boys at the Senior Bowl, where he demonstrated outstanding versatility and athleticism playing both free safety and cornerback throughout the week.

31. N.E. Patriots -- Pick forfeited
Record: 16-0 | Needs: ILB, CB, OLB, OL depth
Previous mock selection: Same
The Patriots lost this pick as part of the penalty handed down for illegally taping Jets coaches from the sideline in Week 1.

32. New York Giants -- Keith Rivers, OLB, USC
Record: 10-6 | Needs: OLB, CB, S, OT, DT
Previous mock selection: Same
The Giants are in need of an immediate and legitimate upgrade at linebacker, and Rivers is instinctive and athletic enough to contribute immediately on the weak side. They also could use a quick, explosive back who would complement current Giants power back Brandon Jacobs, so keep an eye on this selection.

Mel Kiper Big Board

1. *Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas (6-foot-1, 208) | Previous: Same
The reasons for his dynamic performances throughout his career are excellent vision, very good balance, game-breaking speed and a passion for the game.

2. Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU (6-2, 292) | Previous: Same
Disruptive force along the interior. If there is one non-skill position player fans should watch, Dorsey is the one, because despite constant double-teams, he is always making plays or opening up space for his teammates.

3. Jake Long, OT, Michigan (6-6, 320) | Previous: Same
Top-drawer left or right tackle prospect.

4. Chris Long, DE, Virginia (6-4, 282) | Previous: Same
A 3-4 defensive end with great bloodlines who understands leverage and uses his hands as well as any D-lineman in the country.

5. Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC (6-1, 297) | Previous: Same
Tampa Bay Bucs-style DT with superior quickness and a nonstop motor.

6. Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College (6-4, 223) | Previous: Same
He has the size and arm to wow the NFL brass during testing.

7. *Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas (6-1, 193) | Previous: Same
A game-changing cover corner who had 11 interceptions the past two seasons. Talib has outstanding recovery speed and tremendous leaping ability. He also showed his versatility by catching eight passes (four for touchdowns) on offense.

8. *Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio St. (6-3, 262) | Previous: Same
He took his play to a new level in 2007, showcasing the explosiveness to overpower offensive tackles at the point of attack. Gholston also has excellent closing speed, as evidenced by the 14 sacks he registered. He also has the versatility to play with his hand off the ground.

9. *Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State (6-5, 320) | Previous: Same
An excellent left tackle prospect with athletic ability and solid technique that will make him a great blindside protector in the NFL.

10. *Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon (5-10, 233) | Previous: Same
A strong and athletic, big running back who displays tremendous patience with the way he sets up his blocks.

11. *Phillip Merling, DE, Clemson (6-4½, 272) | Previous: Same
An underrated standout, Merling might not be as flashy as former teammate Gaines Adams (the fourth pick in last year's draft), but you can make the argument that Merling is a more complete player.

12. Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina (6-4, 298) | Previous: 14
Unbelievably talented player who had a breakout season in 2007.

13. Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy (5-10½, 185) | Previous: Same
Not only a very good cover man with superior recovery ability (runs in the 4.38 range) and the aggressiveness to get the job done in run support, McKelvin has made a name for himself as the top return man in the entire nation. He's also stood out this season in games against the likes of Arkansas, Florida, Oklahoma State and Georgia. With his speed and versatility, McKelvin will bring a great deal of value to a football team.

14. Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt (6-5½, 318) | Previous: 12
Top-drawer talent, possessing superior athleticism and good feet to neutralize outside pass-rushers.

15. *Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas (5-11, 202) | Previous: Same
Tremendously explosive and versatile, Jones gained a whopping 8.7 yards per carry this season, while also excelling as a kickoff returner, gaining nearly 30 yards per return.

16. *Calais Campbell, DE, Miami (6-7, 280) | Previous: 17
Physically imposing with his height and wingspan, Campbell is able to beat offensive tackles with either speed or power. He does a good job of varying his pass rush moves, while also proving to be solid against the run.

17. Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh (6-5, 339) | Previous: 18
Light on his feet for a huge bookend, Otah is still developing. He played only one year in high school and two at the junior college level. He also played basketball in junior college and is a tremendous athlete. His upside and potential are going to excite offensive line coaches in the NFL.

18. Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida (5-11½, 202) | Previous: 19
He has excellent recovery speed and the toughness you look for in a cornerback. His size allows him to match up with an opponent's No. 1 wide receiver.

19. *Chilo Rachal, OG, USC (6-6¼, 339) | Previous: 20
Tremendous size and plays with a defensive mentality you like to see. Rachal can match the speed and power of defensive ends he faces which is why he has so much upside at the next level.

20. *Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois (5-10, 224) | Previous: 21
Authoritative runner with a major league burst through the hole. Mendenhall's hard-charging style makes him difficult to get to the ground.

21. Fred Davis, USC (6-4, 253) | Previous: 22
Productive, consistent and multitalented. He's caught five or more passes in eight of 13 games while also doing a very capable job as an inline blocker. Davis stretches the deep middle of the field with big plays while bringing excellent physical and athletic skills to the tight end spot.

22. *Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma (6-3½, 219) | Previous: 23
He has the combination of size and speed that NFL teams covet, plus great hands and is a tremendous competitor.

23. Sam Baker, OT, USC (6-4½, 310) | Previous: 16
Exceptional pass-blocker with superb technique.

24. *DeSean Jackson, WR, California (5-11, 168) | Previous: Same
Exciting wideout and returner with very good natural pass receiving skills. Jackson has excellent speed and is a terrific open-field runner.

25. *Kenny Phillips, S, Miami (6-1½, 200) | Previous: Same
While he had a decent but not great season, Phillips has the skill level necessary to reach high honors in the NFL. He has excellent range and good ball skills, and he is solid in run support. Also keep in mind that safeties are in high demand in the NFL these days, and Phillips is clearly the top safety in this year's draft.

Is Pettitte Retarded?

I don't know if this guy was being ironic or if this is some kind of inside joke but this picture is about as intelligent as Andy Pettitte's reasoning.
This won't take long, Andy Pettitte doesn't get it. Here's what he said today in a news conference that I laud him for taking part in:

"I didn't do it to try and get ahead of anyone," he said. "I didn't do it to try and get stronger or faster or throw harder. I did it because I was told it might be able to help me [return from elbow injuries]."

"I did this to try to get off the (disabled list) and do my job."

Allow me to explain it to Andy: THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE GUY WHO TAKES ILLEGAL DRUGS TO GET BIGGER AND THE GUY WHO TAKES THEM TO GET HEALTHY. NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD! Now you may be able to come to a moral distinction in your own simple little mind and that may allow you to sleep at night, but you're no better than any person who shoved a needle up his ass to hit the ball farther. Just because you've convinced yourself that you did it to help the team doesn't give you some moral superiority over someone who is seemingly more selfish. All you were was an old injured pitcher who was becoming tattered in the same way all old pitchers do. Using HGH allowed you an illegal competitive advantage over ever other player not taking drugs. You think Mark Pryor or Kerry Wood didn't want to get healthy faster? But instead of taking any illegal drug use to get healthy faster, they took the legal route. Are they bad teammates because they didn't resort to illegal drug use (obviously, I have no idea if drug use could've helped those particular guys, but the greater point is, well, the greater point. If you can't figure it out you are as stupid as the person who marked up Andy's picture)? Nope. And you're no hero for taking drugs, no matter how well you've convinced yourself.

All That Being Said Below, Belichick And Pioli Were Clearly Covering Their Collective Ass Today

Rather than using a hat to cover their asses, Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli used their words.
It's probably worth noting that I began writing the below piece awhile ago and decided not to post. That went out the window when Belichick came out and "denied knowledge" of any walkthrough taping, bringing the entire tape fiasco back into the conversation. So I figured since I was going to respond to Belichick's statements, I'd post my larger discussion as well (it was not my best effort, by a lot). Anyhoo, so now I have posts instead of one.

I don't have a ton to say about the comments from Pioli and Belichick other than to say that they were VERY calculated. And while I believe Belichick and Pioli over Matt Walsh, the comments made about the situation left open the possibility the Matt Walsh has some sort of "goods" on the Pats. Here's what Belichick said:

"In my entire coaching career, I've never seen another team's practice film prior to playing that team," he said. "I have never authorized, or heard of, or even seen in any way, shape, or form any other team's walkthrough. We don't even film our own. We don't even want to see ourselves do anything, that's the pace that it's at. Regardless, I've never been a part of that."

You see, Belichick isn't denying a tape was made, he's just denying that he knew about it. Clearly the argument the Pats are preparing to make is that if a tape exists, this rogue employee did it on his own and the Pats never knew of it. Pioli went on to cement this stance:

(Pioli on Walsh) "The job he was doing, there were two other guys doing it, so essentially the work he was doing wasn't up to the same level as the other people, in my opinion. However, I found out he was secretly tape recording our conversations and he was fired..."

So they never "authorized" any taping and the guy who allegedly secretly taped teams while employed for the Pats has also secretly taped conversations of employees? What they didn't say was that no tapes exist. I guess it makes sense because they have no idea what the kid has on them, but at the same time it seems a little shady that these two smart guys would make such blatantly calculated comments about the situation. It seems to suggest that they think the guy might have something. And if that's the case, no one's going to believe this little story they are hatching because there's not a chance in hell these two control freaks didn't know what was going on in there organization (think Colonel Jessup). I don't know, it just seems a little greasy for my tastes.

The Pats-Belichick Taping Thing Has Officially Turned Into A Clusterfuck Of Nonsense

Come see non-existent videotapes, frivolous lawsuits, insane journalists and equally insane Congressman all at the House of Nonsense!
The part that I don't get about all of this Patriots videotaping scandal (again, I refuse to call it "Spygate" as I am repulsed out our society's lack of creativity in the arena of "scandal naming.") is why anyone really cares and what they want done? I mean, if you are really angry about the allegations against the Pats or the admitted taping of Jets (and likely other teams') hand signals--and I would be f'n pissed if the situation were reversed--what the fuck do you want the NFL to do? Do you want Belichick suspended or banned? Would that make you happy? Do you want the Pats' 3 Super Bowls stripped and all their wins taken away? Do you want their franchise taken away? I mean what would make you happy? You see, I get being pissed, but after that I don't know what the fuck you want done about it.

Let me start by saying that I don't in any way want to make it look as though I'm making excuses for the Pats. Far from it. I think that under the perfectly clear language of the rules, the Pats cheated; it probably occurred many more times than we know about; and despite what Belichick says, it was probably beneficial and in a close and evenly matched game it is certainly possible that sign stealing was the difference between a win or loss. I freely admit all of that. But the response to this is so out of whack that it tends to discredit those with serious concerns. I mean, Senator Spector sounds a barfly at Stan's after Mussina doesn't get the outside corner on 3 straight pitches and the attorneys for those idiots who filed that $100 million lawsuit should be sanctioned if not disbarred for filing a frivolous suit. I mean, gimme a fucking break, what utter frickin nonsense that is. When people overreact like Spector, Easterbrook and those lawsuit assholes, the public response is a collective eye roll. I'm saying it makes the Pats sympathetic (that would be impossible at this point) but it makes them more sympathetic.

One of the main reasons why I find this overreaction completely intolerable is because it is being compared to the Steroids (capital "s" at this point) situation. This couldn't be farther from the steroids situation (other than maybe that people are breaking rules to gain an advantage, but I don't see Congress convening about Shawn Merriman). Lest we forget (and I think constant reminder is necessary), the reason that there is such great concern over the strength of MLB's testing policy is because weak testing is seen as a tacit acknowledgment that PED's aren't a big deal. And that is a bad message for kids trying to get an edge. It's not so much an issue of cheating the fan, though we arguably have been cheated, but the reason Congress felt the need to get involved was because they didn't think baseball was doing enough. No one is worried that kids are going to secretly tape each other (unless we're going to argue that the Pats are responsible for the growing teenage webcamming. If I ever have a girl, she will not be allowed near a camera, video, internet or any combination thereof.). It's apples and oranges. The only greater concern here is that the Pats lied about cheating. And if the Pats did lie, more should be done and more penalties doled out. You don't lie to to the Commissioner (just ask PacMan). But it should be taken care of by the NFL. And if they told the truth but everyone is simply mad that the public hasn't heard the entire story because the Commissioner refuses to discuss it, then I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for anyone who continues to be angry.

Overall with this whole thing, I don't give a shit about it. The benefit the Pats got from the tapes were the same you'd get from having a guy watch the other team's calls from the sidelines (earlier I said it was "possible" that they got an edge that made a difference. I still believe that but I take the view that the possibility is awfully slim). I think the original penalty was too harsh and I think the only concern left is whether or not the Pats are telling the truth. I don't think the gov't needs to get involved to make the determination or has any horse in this race whatsoever. If Senator Specter can prove the Pats lied, then what? Does he imprison Belichick and put pressure on the NFL to fire Goodell? I just don't see the point. I guess I can just foresee this thing turning into a whole bunch of nothing. And I'd rather than have my gov't get involved with this nonsense that affects no one other than the league, I'd rather have them do what they do best: a whole lot of nothing.

What Did We Learn From The Clemens Hearings? Well Not Much Other Than The Fact That Clemens Is A Lying Sack Of Shit.

Clemens won this contest in a landslide.
Remember when you were a kid and you did something wrong but thought you could get away with it, so you lied (or at least that’s what I did)? Even though you knew it really wasn’t the worst thing you've ever done and it was very likely your parents weren’t going to be that mad about it anyway, you lied. And maybe you got away with it but in support of that lie you had to create all of these secondary lies a long convoluted twisted tales (Dane Cook actually does a rare funny bit about this type of thing in his "Vicious Circle" special). And these secondary lies never really made a whole lot of sense but in order to bolster your original lie, you had to stick by them. You know, the real lie was that you weren’t hanging out at the bad kid’s house but in support of that lie you create an alibi and a timeline and you get real defiant about it: "Mom, I couldn’t have been over at Dirty McChainsmoker’s house because me and Carl were riding our bikes over by the sand banks and then we went for a swim and stopped by Rite-Aid to pick up some gum and then played a best of 13 Sega ‘93 Hockey Series but neither of us were allowed to be the Blackhawks or Blues because Roenick is too good and Al MacInnis’ one-timer is too unstoppable and I won in 10 games because I picked the Edmonton Oilers and subbed in Petr Klima at center who was secretly the second best player in the game even though Carl picked the Canucks (the best overall team in Sega ‘93 because Kirk McLean was a friggin brick wall and the Bure-Linden combo was borderline unstoppable). After that we went to Jreck’s and got a Meatball sub and then a sundae from Morgan’s before we took our clubs over to the 15th hole over at SLU to play the 4 hole post-dawn-sneak-on (15, 16, 14, 15) where I flew the ditch on 16 from the tips (260 carry) and then sculled my second onto the 17th tee. So you see, I never had time to stop at Dirty’s place. No siree." All you really needed to say was "No mom. I was riding bikes." Unfortunately you don’t take this route because you want to make it seem inconceivable that you could have been at the bad kid’s house. But mom’s no dummy. She may not have been willing to let it slide until you came up with this story. But this is your story and mom sees the holes in it.

Mom: "So you were playing Sega ‘93, eh?"
Me: "Yup. Great series. Klima dominated"
Mom: "But didn’t you say that neither of you could be St. Louis because MacInnis’ one-timer was too unstoppable?"
Me: (realizing I fucked up) "Ummm, yeah."
Mom: "But I thought Sega ‘93 was the year BEFORE they put in the one-timers?"
Me: "Well, I, we meant that maybe... I misspoke and, misremembered but, Petr Klima was the one..."
Mom: "You’re grounded."
Me: "Fuck"

You see it wasn’t the lie that got me, it was the lie in support of my lie. Clemens’ contention that he didn’t do steroids is only as credible as he comes off. And because of his secondary lies, he doesn’t come off as all that credible. He came off as a guy who if found with cookie crumbs and chocolate on his face wouldn't simply deny eating the cookies, but would deny eating the cookies, deny liking cookies, deny liking chocolate and deny liking food or ever haven eaten anything that someone would describe as sweet tasting.

Throughout the entire hearing, I couldn’t figure out (and still can't) why Clemens was so set on fostering these unnecessary secondary lies. My favorite one was when Clemens said that he’d never heard of HGH until this whole thing came about. Now this may be irresponsible of me but I call absolute bullshit on this claim. Clemens is CLEARLY lying about this fact. Never heard of it? Are you fucking kidding me? Even if we didn’t know that Clemens knew that his wife had been injected with HGH, there is no way that Clemens didn’t know about HGH or have conversations with people about it. Now I’d be more than willing to believe that he never had discussions about DOING HGH or asking people of the benefits of HGH (I don’t believe him, but I could see how that is more believable) but why is it necessary to go to the extra step of saying "I’ve never had a discussion about it ever." Never a casual conversation, Rog? You never talked to someone about the allegations regarding Bonds or Giambi a couple years back? What is the point of denying in totality knowledge of HGH the substance? My guess is that in Roger's world, he thinks that it if denying use is good, denying knowledge must be fucking super good. What he doesn't seem to factor into the equation is that it just seems so unreasonable to believe that an athlete in the 2000's had never even heard of HGH and it becomes such a stupid lie that it undermines EVERYTHING else you have to say. If we know you’re going to lie about something so stupid, why wouldn’t we then believe that you are willing to extend that lie to everything else? But Clemens wasn’t done there. He did the same thing when asked by rep Maloney (my representative!) about notice of the Mitchell inquiries.

Congresswoman Maloney asked Clemens why he changed his story about getting notice from George Mitchell that indicated Mitchell wanted to speak to him. Originally, in his 60 minutes version, Clemens stated that he knew about the letters from Mitchell but was told they wouldn’t tell him what the evidence actually was so he decided not to talk. Under oath, Clemens new tune was that he never knew Mitchell wanted to talk to him. When he fell back on his under oath remarks, Rep Maloney asked him if we are to believe that his agent never notified him of the letters from Mitchell, what the fuck is he doing by still employing such an irresponsible representative? He had no response because it’s simply not true. Do we honestly believe that the Hendricks brothers never mentioned to Clemens that Mitchell Report sent three letters to them asking their client to come in and talk? No fucking chance. Do you really expect us to believe that when their biggest client gets notice that there is evidence--evidence that will be made public in a couple months--that this client used steroids and HGH that they then wouldn’t pick up the phone and say, "Hey Rocket, what do you want us to do about this?" It’s not like the Mitchell Report was as secret and no one cared what it was going to say. OF COURSE Clemens’ agent told him about the fucking letters from the Mitchell Report. And OF COURSE Clemens said there was no chance he was going to meet with Mitchell because Clemens didn’t believe they actually had anything on him. And then when the report was released and we learned that they had a TON of shit on Clemens, he had to now explain why he never spoke with Mitchell after Mitchell's repeated requests. His only recourse at that point was to throw his agent under the bus. What are the Hendricks’ brothers going to do? If they were truly his lawyers at the time, the conversations would likely be privileged but even beyond that there is no way they’re going to disclose that conversation as it would be horrible for future business. But more importantly to the greater poitn, this lie was unnecessary. If he had simply said he got notice and decided that it would be improper to speak with the Mitchell Report unless they were willing to provide he and his lawyers with the evidence ahead of time, that wouldn’t be great but at least it makes sense. It’s a conservative legal decision based on sound judgment that is explainable. Instead we get, "Sorry ya’ll, my super agents never told me that I was going to go down in a heap of flames." That’s simply not true. And despite the fact that its overall relevance to the proceedings is minimal, it just speaks volumes as to how much of a freaking lying sack of shit this guy is turning out to be.

The final explanation I found really troubling was the convoluted story about Clemens and Pettitte’s relationship being such that Pettitte would have told Clemens about his HGH use. And because Pettitte never did talk about HGH with Clemens, this somehow means that Clemens never used it. Yes, I know this sounds like friggin loony tunes so let me get this right. I think it went something like this: Clemens and Pettitte were tight. The two were so tight in fact that they would approach eachother about anything. So if Pettitte knew that Clemens used HGH in the past and Pettitte was thinking about using it himself, Pettitte would have approached Clemens to ask him about it before he (Pettitte) used it. And since Pettitte never asked Clemens about it (which must be confirmed on the deposition in order for any of this to make sense), this somehow confirms that Pettitte never thought Clemens used HGH. Aside from being a horrendously weak argument, there are a couple of things that don’t make sense about this.

First, if Pettitte and Clemens were so tight, why didn’t Pettitte mention to Clemens that he was taking HGH? Pettitte admitted to taking HGH and Roger claims he never knew about it. Doesn’t this kinda throw cold water on the idea that Pettitte would have approached Clemens about using it in the first place if he could never muster the courage to tell him he was actually taking it? It would seem that that would be one of those things that buddies talk about. And yet, Clemens claims they never spoke about it. My guess is that Clemens’ answer in response to that would be that Pettitte wouldn’t have felt comfortable talking about cheating with Roger because he respected him so much (again, in Roger's head we're working under the assumption that he never did any drugs). Andy was embarrassed. I don’t fucking know. I don’t find it in any persuasive that because Pettitte didn’t ask Clemens about HGH (according to Clemens), that this means Clemens didn’t take HGH. Especially when held against the evidence that Pettitte AND HIS WIFE both confirmed that it was their understanding that Clemens took HGH. And when you throw in that Roger’s own wife took HGH (without Clemens’ knowledge, allegedly. Another point that is HORSEFUCKINGSHIT (tmesis)), the plot just got too damn thick. And all the defiance in the world doesn't make Roger look any less guilty.

With dust all settled, here’s where we are at: it has been confirmed that Brian McNamee injected Roger’s best friend, Roger’s wife and claims he injected Roger; and Roger’s best friend and his best friend’s wife back up McNamee’s claim. Given ALL OF THAT, we’re supposed to believe that because Pettitte didn’t ask Clemens about HGH, this means that Clemens couldn’t have done it. If that’s what you’re hanging your hat on Rog, you are fucking sunk.

Lastly, and this is completely subjective, doesn’t it just feel like Clemens is lying through his fucking teeth? Between his greasy lawyers and his feigned defiance and indignation, I just don’t believe him. I don’t think there is anything that can be done to change my mind about it. I’m sure all the evidence against him has affected my judgment but more than anything, I find him to be completely unbelievable. He just seems like a big fat liar. I suppose that’s not fair of me, but neither is shooting up drugs and striking out Mark Bellhorn during a roid rage. You see Roger didn’t worry about fairness during his career, so why should I give a shit about being fair when opining about that same career?

Just Wow

I don't even have to words to properly describe the absolute stupidity that is the above video and song. The only positive I can take away from the above video is the production meetings that must have gone on to get it to this point:

Editor: "Anything else guys..."
Dbag: "Well, I've been kinda working on some lyrics for a song about the Patriots for a little while and think I've stumbled upon something pretty solid."
Editor: "Well, let's hear it."
Dbag: "You remember the song 'Beat It' by Michael Jackson?"
Editor: "Sure. That song was all kinds of popular 25 years ago."
Dbag: "Well, keep that beat in mind as I sing this song... (falsetto) 'You sent a cameraman to shoot other teams!"
Editor: "Sweet Jesus Man! That's genius! I want a video for the website by 6pm!"
Dbag: "Um sir, it's noon. What do you want me to do?"
Editor: "We've got a Sony handycam in the back somewhere. Just take it and convince some assholes on the streets and bars to start singing. It'll be outstanding."

And so forth. I just... I'm done with this.

Hank Strikes Again

Not many people would have the chutzpah to bring up the names Koufax and Drysale when speaking about a crew of untested rookie pitchers, but then again, Hank Stein is quickly separating himself from the distinction of "many people."
I know I tend to do this a lot ("this" meaning ripping people in sports who exaggerate when making comparisons), but it bother the shit out of me when people resort to unnecessary hyperbole in order to bolster a point or get people excited. The media, and people speaking to the media, seem conditioned to give us examples that we can easily digest. A defensive end who is quick off the ball is compared to LT (see Shawn Merriman) or a pitcher who can command his fastball is the "next Maddux." The problem is that the comparison comes after 15 games or 60 innings and is the player invariably will NEVER reach the level of the compared player. I understand the thought process behind the comparisons. Familiarity with the big name brings with it an easy frame of reference from which the reader can draw comparisons. The only problem with that is that rather than use the hyperbolic comparison as it was meant to be used, the idiot reader (the majority of readers) uses the information as gospel. It's exactly the problem I had with the Globe comparing Buchholz and Lester to Peavy and Pettitte a couple days ago. Reading those comparisons don't just get people excited, they actually think they've got a Peavy & Pettitte combo (people are stupid) and it creates a monster of unfair expecations. Well, after these upcoming statements, it seems Hank Steinbrenner loves feeding the monster.

In an article entitled "Decade of Dominance", Steinbrenner, amongst other lofty claims, seems to think that his young pitchers are as good as any other staff in the league. In fact, he is so confident in his kids that he sees fit to compare them to perhaps the greatest duo of pitchers of all-time:

Steinbrenner is expecting another playoff run at the least in the finale of Yankee Stadium. "They do need to make the playoffs or let's face it, I'm going to be ticked off," Steinbrenner said. "And then once we get in the playoffs we'd better do well, but the fact of the matter is, as far as the next 10 years we could be in dynamite shape. We could have the best pitching staff since the Dodgers in the '60s and obviously we'll have some good hitters, too."

Koufax and Drysdale, eh? I feel like Matt Foley staring across the table at David Spade and saying, "Hey, Dad, I can't see too good is that Bill Shakespeare over there?" (video footage found here) except we're inserting Koufax and Drysdale for Shakespeare and I'm looking at three pitchers under age of 25 who have less than 20 starts total under their collective belts. It's absolutely INSANE to invoke the 60's Dodgers teams when speaking about your young pitchers. I don't care how confident you are in your guys, when you set the bar that high the only place for your guys to go is down. They can't possibly reach those expectations, let alone exceed them. And though you may think that people wouldn't possibly take so literally a statement like Stein's, you don't know people.

For many, the Post and the quotes within it are their only frame of reference. They don't differentiate between fact and opinion. They interpret his quote not as the opinion of a narcissist, but that of a skilled assessor of talent (which Steinbrenner clearly is not). Same goes for the Globe and the lofty comparisons that Buchholz, Ellsbury and Lester draw. Sure it gets people excited (I guess it'd be less sexy to compare those guys to Brett Tomko, David DeJesus and Gustavo Chacin, though that may be much more fair) but it is just so inaccurate as to be distracting from the real story that both teams or doing something that historically doesn't work out. They are relying on young pitching to put them into playoff contention. And maybe that was his intention (distraction from reality). In doing so he created an unreachable level of achievement and an unfair atmosphere in which these young kids will be scrutinized. As if it wasn't going to be hard to enough....

So yeah, maybe I'm a little over critical of these types of comparisons given that they've become a matter of course. Just don't say I didn't tell you so when the next Don Drysdale turns out to be the next Edwin Jackson.

The F?

I hear ya kid. The below headline had me wondering what the fuck was going on too.
Bored to tears for a period of time today and unable to blog because I work for communists, I found myself perusing the regular news rolls. In passing through Yahoo, I found the following headline:

"Scientists invent submersible glider that runs on sea's heat"

If you're like me, this raised some eyebrows. For one, I didn't know the sea produced the type of heat that could be utilized to power anything let alone an underwater vehicle. And if that's the case, what the fuck have we been doing by not using it for so long? There is a lot of sea out there.

The other thing that made me do a doubletake was the idea of a "submersible glider." Now after reading the article I realized I was thinking of something completely different. But without that knowledge my imagination took me to a pretty crazy place. I mean, submersible glider? What the F? So, in an effort to properly square away my thoughts, I drew a picture of what I thought a submersible glider to be. Below is the result (mind you, I am a HORRIBLE artist):

"Submersible Glider" by A. Alan Smith

Not bad eh? It's a guy on a glider submersing himself. I couldn't really draw the heat propelling him through the water but I thought it properly depicted the idea of a "submersible glider." That poor fucker didn't know what the fuck was going on until he hit the water and then it was smooth sailing.

Now you may be wondering what this has to do with sports, but I think it summarizes exactly the problem with this period between the Super Bowl and Spring Training. This is what happens when searching through things to watch tonight I honestly considered the Quinnipiac v. Wagner game.

Hurry up Spring Training. I'm starting to lose my shit.

The Sox Aren't Worried About Schilling. Hell, They've Got A Young Pettitte And Peavy In Their Rotation

Hey, I'm as psyched as anyone to see what Lester and Buchholz can do for the Sox this season. Unfortunately, the expectations may be a little on the high side.
With the Pats turning a fantastic season into a giant dump (no pun intended), pitchers and catchers can't start practicing fast enough for the mourning New England faithful. Fortunately for us all, because the Sox start their season early in Japan this year, Spring Training comes early and the Sox officially open facilities for their title defense in 3 days. And everything was going so sweet until Schilling's old ass up and busted up his shoulder. But even that really wasn't that bad because the Sox had 6 starters ready to go anyway (7 if you include Masterson). Because of this depth, Schilling's injury didn't really have the panic that it normally might. But I think because of the depression associated with the Pats failure and the history of overreaction and panic of Sox fans, the Sox media went a little overboard in an effort to calm the everyone's nerves.

Instead of merely heralding the young Sox pitchers as viable starting staff with great experience and potential, the Boston media compared the young pitchers on the staff to a couple of major league players. And not just any two guys:

The Red Sox, like the Yankees, are transitioning to a younger pitching staff, building around a core of veterans in Josh Beckett (27) and Daisuke Matsuzaka (27), and they hope lefthander Jon Lester (24) becomes their Andy Pettitte and Buchholz emerges as their Jake Peavy.

Pettitte and Peavy? Whoa. I hope that's true because the Sox will have the greatest rotation of all-time but come the fuck on. Peavy won the Cy Young last year and Pettitte is a borderline Hall of Famer (and drug abuser). It seems odd to make such lofty comparisons for two guys who are fairly untested when neither of them need to fill a No. 1 or 2 roll in the rotation. I'd be happy if Lester becomes a latter day Bruce Hurst and ecstatic if Buchholz turned into a steady Derek Lowe or David Cone.

Of course in my heart of hearts I want every young Sox pitcher to turn into Brandon Webb and Jake Peavy, but that's just not going to happen. It's much more likely that Buchholz or Lester flame out and never pitch another game than it is that either of them becomes a 20 game winner. That's just the way these things go. But I guess what frustrates me most about situations like these is that these guys are trying to make the rotation of the defending World Champs and the pressure is high enough. To start throwing around comparisons to Pettitte and Peavy is both unfair and unnecessary. We're f'n psyched about these two guys. Let's just leave it at that until the season starts.

The ManRam Is Ready To Roll In 2008 With The Help Of Uncle Rico

Look out for the ManRam this year. Apparently he actually gives a shit about baseball.
So there are rumors abound that the ManRam is taking baseball seriously this year for the first time in his life. He apparently hasn't lifted a bat, but he's been working out like a fiend at API (with the likes of Youkilis and Pedroia) and is apparently in top notch shape. And he's doing it in his typically ManRam sort of way:

It's 8 a.m., and Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramírez is already sweaty. He looks ripped and ready to defend the world championship.

He shouts "Ohio Gozaimasu" - Japanese for "good morning" - above the rock music blaring in the Athletes' Performance weight room. He runs sprints and agility drills on the Arizona State football field and signals touchdowns. He fetches bottles of water for his workout mates, Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis and Minnesota Twins third baseman Nick Punto. He then does a lefty weight resistance exercise and announces he's going to bat lefthanded this year. He's only kidding.

When Youkilis is temporarily challenged by a 100-pound dumbbell, Ramírez stands over him and starts a "Youk" chant that would make a Fenway bleacherite proud. The football players training for the upcoming NFL Combine think he's crazy.

"Manny being Manny, I know what that means now," says Punto. "He's an intense workout partner. I think people perceive him the wrong way sometimes because this guy really loves the game. He loves everything that goes along with it. He's working out hard and he's going to be ready to play this season, for sure."

Things are good in Manny World. Since declaring himself a "bad man" at the World Series, Ramírez, 34, has announced his plans to report to spring training on time and to play for several more years. Ramírez allowed the Globe to follow his 2-hour-15-minute workout routine but politely declined to be interviewed.

"Take care of yourself," is his advice.

That's right ManRam. Take care of yourself or else you'll end up like Uncle Rico.

This is the honest to goodness caption under this photo in the Herald: "Red Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez puts in an offseason workout yesterday with the help of his Uncle Rico at Athletes’ Performance in Tempe, Ariz."

No no, not like this, like the real Uncle Rico:

Just Because You Don't Like The Result Doesn't Mean The Mitchell Report Wasn't Necessary

The Mitchell Report's been out for about 2 months and NOW people are saying they don't know why the MLB had it done. Allow me to explain, idiots.
Nobody possibly could have imagined that the fallout from the Mitchell Report would look quite like this. I mean, taped phone calls, Congressional autograph hounds, soiled gauze pads, crushed Miller Lite cans and now allegations of a wife doing HGH in an effort to look good for her photoshoot. This is a lunacy too far out there for a even the most sordid Hollywood script. And it is because of this wackiness that some members of the media have taken to only now suggest that maybe this whole thing wasn't such a sweet idea. Because the Report has devolved into a "He said, She-male said" and because the most public result is the airing of the dirty laundry of perhaps the most successful pitcher of all-time, the pundits are convinced that we'd be better off never having looked under the lumpy rug. The only problem is that these same folks want the same result. They want better testing and harsher penalties for those who test positive. Well, I'm here to tell you that the achieved effect could not have been achieved without the recently condemned cause. Allow me to splain...

I'll start by explaining that the reason for this entire post stem from Peter Gammons on Mike & Mike this morning and a rant from Michael Kay this afternoon. Both gents suggest that baseball would have been better off without the Mitchell Report. That baseball was moving in the right direction and the only result of the report was to ruin the reputation of a small percentage of players while the majority of offenders arbitrarily get away scott free. While I agree that those singled out aren't the only ones who did something wrong and are only punished because their dealers got caught, this isn't a novel scenario in American jurisprudence. Do you think every tax cheat gets caught? Are random audits the best way to single out those offenders? I guarantee that you've been pulled over for speeding and could rightly argue that you were going 15mph slower than the lime green Civic that just flew by you 10 minutes ago. But that guy goes free while you get caught. What's fair about that? The stakes may be higher and the task given to Mitchell more broad than a State Trooper in a speed trap, but spare me the fairness bullshit.

But getting back on point, the reason the Mitchell Report was spawned was to quell pressure from Congress. Congress wanted more stringent testing and harsher penalties and prior to the Mitchell Report, baseball had the weakest PED policy in all of sports. Because the Players' Association had given in and put a weak testing policy into the most recent Collective Bargaining Agreement, the MLBPA had no reason to give in again and being one of the strongest unions in the U.S., there was little chance they would. One of their strongest arguments against more stringent testing was that there wasn't a huge problem. They had done there own testing and wouldn't release the data but were convinced that the results proved that further testing was unnecessary. Prior to the commission of the Report, there just wasn't enough evidence to prove that a stronger policy was necessary and Congress was breathing down Selig's neck. In order for the MLB to get a better testing policy and tougher penalties, they needed to prove there was a problem. So Selig commissioned the Mitchell Report. An independent commission to get to the bottom of the real steroid problem. That seems like a reasonable response.

So if we can accept that it was necessary to prove that there was a bigger steroid problem in order to get the MLBPA's head out of their collective ass and get a better testing program in the CBA, then you could make the leap that it may have been necessary to create some kind of independent review the situation to see if there was a problem. And if that is the case, it was probably necessary to find specific examples of past drug use in order to make the case. And this is where things get hairy. If Mitchell gets some guys to either admit to doing drugs or finds some prick who will turn on guys he has seen doing drugs, that's all the evidence they need in order to convince the MLBPA that they need better testing on their own or else Congress will force better testing upon them. So then the question becomes, why do they need to release the names? If all Selig needed was percentages or a number of players currently playing who at one time or another were doing PEDs, why the names? Here's why: What if he hadn't released the names?

Imagine The Mitchell Report comes out and it says "We have 80+ confirmed steroid abusers and 50+ of those are still playing." And then they used that information to get the MLBPA to bend over. Do you think there would not be a public outcry for those names? Wouldn't it look as though the MLB was covering something up? And can you even imagine what the outrage would look like if Clemens' name was leaked after the MLB refused to list the names in the report? That would make this current situation look like a frickin petting zoo (I have no idea why I chose that analogy). This was the only way this could have gone down. So to suggest that because we now have one PED freak with his panties in a bunch and because he has a top attorney for a mouthpiece that we should now second guess the reasoning behind the whole thing is ridiculous. In order to get the better policy and penalty, this needed to happen.

In conclusion, let's summarize:

Congress wanted a better testing policy.
MLBPA wouldn't budge without more evidence.
Selig wanted more evidence to get Congress off his back.
Independent report would be reliable evidence.
Independent report would obviously turn up players' names.
If those names remain silent, public freaks and calls cover up.
If those names are leaked, the cover up charges gain credence, especially if Clemens' name comes out.
In order for the integrity of the process to be upheld, the names had to be released.

But here's the kicker, in the end, the Mitchell Report worked. There's a better testing policy; Clemens' name made the situation hit home and the penalties have increased. Not to mention that the gravity of the HGH problem has been realized. A blood test is in the works and this never would have happened without the Report. So what the fuck are these assholes complaining about. Just because Chuck Knoblauch lost his innocence, I'm supposed to feel bad that Joey Meathead has to take a fucking hair sample every 3 months? The ends justify the means, I don't care how many wives of lying sacks of shit have to go down because of it.

I'm Not Bitter About The Giants Win As Much As The Praise Of Eli

If Asante makes this play instead of exchanging his hands for buttcheeks, Eli is the goat and the Giants are selecting a QB in the first two rounds.
I need to start saying that I'm really not making excuses here for the Pats. Simmons really summed up well the feelings I have about the Pats in that they didn't really show that much excitement or grit and were overconfident coming into the game. I'm not sure how it translated onto TV, but it was clear that the Giants came out on every play like they were shot out of a cannon while the Pats looked like they were just biding their time (and it almost worked!). The Pats performance was so lackluster and unimaginative that I felt like we were watching the Kansas City Chiefs or Penn State Football. But that didn't lose them the game. The Pats lost because the Giants front four ATE THEM FOR F'N BREAKFAST! Strahan, Osi and Tuck DOMINATED that game and every facet of it. It was one of the most inspired defensive performances I've ever seen. And really that should have been the story. But nope, rather than focus on the real story, the pages of the Newspapers and the morning talk shows and the radio were all praising Eli Manning. He of the three dropped interceptions (the one interception Hobbs actually caught was not Eli's fault unless you fault him for throwing one of his signature horrible balls), 56% completion percentage and extremely shaky first 3 quarters (though he wasn't horrible on the first drive, he blew it in the red zone). And that's what bothers me. It's fucking disgraceful.

As I've made abundantly clear on several occasions, I do not think much of Eli Manning (least subtly, I wrote a piece entitled "Is Eli The Worst QB In The NFL? A good read if you've got a minute...). Because I live in New York and I have no DirecTv access, I am forced to watch his third rate Quarterbacking every fucking Sundee from August to December. The only game I've ever seen him play better than mediocre is the Pats regular season game. Every other time he's been horrible. I know that is not necessarily accurate, but I'm not even going to come close to suggesting that I'm not biased here. I REALLY hate the guy and view his performance through shit colored glasses. So please keep that in mind as I digress here (and it WILL be a digression...).

My main premise here is that credit should be given where credit is due. Does Eli deserve some credit for the win? Of course he does. Tyree's catch never would have happened without his remarkable escape. He drove down the entire field in the final two minutes needing a touchdown and he got it... IN THE F'N SUPER BOWL! That's impressive. It's just not the story of why the Giants won the game. The story was the D-line. And they were even less talked about in the newspapers and radio shows than Belichick's walk off the field (the unwarranted outrage over that move deserves an entire separate post). The Giants sacked Brady 5 times and hit him 23 times! He had only been sacked 21 times all season! The Giants' D held the Pats to fewer points than they score in most quarters! Oh but no. We need to stroke Eli Manning for Rodney Harrison missing a tackle on Boss, David Tyree being a freak and Ellis Hobbs blowing out his groin and leaving Plax all by his lonesome. Instead we hear about how amazing Eli is and are forced to listen to people compare him to Joe Montana (if you type in "Eli Manning" and "Joe Montana" into Google News, there are 415 articles. I know there aren't that many final drives in NFL history so you can't compare it to much and some of those stories in this search are angry folks like myself calling bullshit on the NY media's overhyping, but come the fuck on.... Eli is as close to Joe Montana as Joran Van der Sloot is to Mother Teresa. I don't care how amazing you thought that drive was.). I can't fucking take it.

I know I'm probably doing a horrible job of being objective and my arguments (if you can even call them that) are not all that strong, but I think I can best bring this home by putting it this way: Eli had that game lost a second before Tyree gave them another shot. Asante Samuel makes that play ALL THE FUCKING TIME... and Eli threw it right to him! It was a horrendous play and was the biggest play of the game. And if Asante makes that play, Eli is the goat of all goats. The Giants' defense would be praised to the high hills for controlling the game and Eli could never show his face in this town again. They may have to trade him. And what makes me so mad about that is not that it cost the Pats the game (even though it did) but that with the game on the line and his team having given him a shot by playing so well for 58 minutes, Eli blew the game and the Giants' season. No one gave them a shot to be in this position and his teammates willed them to this spot with one of the greatest defensive performances in Super Bowl history. And how did Eli respond? He threw the ball directly to a Pro Bowl Cornerback on the other team. And by pure luck, he got another chance and his team made the most out of it (or I should say Eli threw up an answered prayer and then lobbed a pass to a 6'5" receiver after his defender injured himself). Yet for some reason, Eli is being handed ALL the credit for this game (with some going to Tyree, deservedly so). It doesn't make sense to me.

Look, I recognize QBs get more credit than most players no matter what happens and Eli did make the pass to Tyree and the pass to a wide open Plax, but he also blew the game. Meanwhile all the Giants' front four did was dominate the best offense in league history and make one of the best QBs in league history look more flustered than Mario Lopez getting denied access to the Stone Rose at the Maxim party (I'll get into that). Yeah, I'm biased, but even a more levelheaded observer would have to admit that in terms of achievement, the Giants' defense's effort was light years more impressive than Eli's. And if you can't see that, you're as stupid as Eli is bad at football.