Ask And You Shall Receive

Wrestler Cactus Jack asks the crowd to provide him with a chair so he can beat his opponent with it. The crowd responds as only a wrestling crowd would be expected to. They throw every single chair in the arena into the ring.

Chase Utley Fits Right In

Boo? Fuck you!
This is so fantastic I don't even know where to begin. So great in fact was Chase's response that it spawned a t-shirt.



I've ordered a dozen.

The Post Tells Brian Fuentes What Team He Prefers To Be Traded To Even Though He Has No Preference

Though Brian Fuentes explicitly stated otherwise, the NY Post declared that he would prefer to be traded to the Yanks.
In an article entitled "Fuentes prefers Yankees", NY Post writer Bart Hubbuch takes some liberties with a direct quote from the top available relief talent on the trade market, Rockies closer Brian Fuentes.

The article discusses Fuentes efforts to learn more about the NY baseball atmosphere after hearing the Yanks and Mets tossed around in the newspapers as potential trade destinations (apparently he called Mets closer Billy Wagner and asked him what it's like to play in NYC). About 2/3rds the way through the article, and having shown no indication that Fuentes was leaning towards the Mets or Yanks (other than the fact that he sought out Billy Wagner), Hubbuch makes a somewhat bold leap of faith as to Fuentes's preferences between the teams:

Given his choice of destinations, though, Fuentes said it would be the Yankees.

"I've never played in Yankee Stadium," he told The Post. "I have no preference, but putting on the pinstripes would be something special by itself."

Maybe I missed something there, but not only did Fuentes not say that the Yankees would be his "choice of destination," he spoke directly to the matter and specifically said "I have no preference...." Now, call me crazy but the rest of the statement in no way outlines his preference to either team ("putting on the pinstripes would be something special all by itself."). In fact, that statement is just nonsense. It offers no insight whatsoever and instead is simply a veiled declaration of reverence towards the organizational history, which I believe all free agents or trade-bait players are contractually obligated to do or else their agents will kill them.

The Post is known for creating much from not much, but how Bart Hubbuch got "I prefer" from "I have no preference" is not creative reporting, it's simply wrong.

Want Some Home Run Derby Intrigue? Let Dustin Pedroia Take 'Em On

I mean, the guy creates lightning with his bat. Can Dan Uggla do that?
Other than Chase Utley, the list of this year's Home Run Derby participants (brought to you by State Farm!) is a who's who of who's who? I mean, baseball diehards (the same people who passionately dislike everything about the All-Star Game from the selection process to the importance of the outcome) will recognize every name and cite with encyclopedic precision their favorite Fantasy Baseball moment of each player participating. But for the casual fan (the type the networks are trying to convince to watch), the names Lance Berkman, Josh Hamilton, Dan Uggla and Grady Sizemore have about as much collective draw as Mike Greenberg did hosting the hit canceled game show "Duel."

What the contest needs is something interesting to bring back some of the juice that was lost when Divorcée-Rod™ (trademark pending) backed out because he didn't want it to F up his swing (No big whooop. It's not like you're the biggest player on the team hosting the game in Yankee Stadium's last season ever. I'm sure Mick and Babe would've backed out too, pussy.). With "The Rod" on the sideline, the Derby needs something big (or little) to add a little freak show quality to the event. In the same way the Dunk Contest upped the ante with Spud Webb and Nate Robinson when the best athletes started pulling out of the contest, the Home Run Contest would be much more entertaining if you added people who can do things they aren't supposed to be able to. Dustin Pedroia is that guy.

At 5'7" and about a buck 60 soaking wet, Dustin Pedroia is smaller than many of the bat boys and ball girls in most stadiums. When you see him on the field standing next to guys like Mike Lowell or A-Rod, it's just comical. He's small but on a Major League ball field his lack of size is exacerbated tenfold. But for all his failings in growth, the little shit can hit. In the last month, only 9 players in the Majors had a higher slugging percentage than Pedroia (50 ABs or more). For the season he's got more extra base hits than Vlad, has a higher slugging percentage than many 3-4 hitters (Ibanez, Beltre, Abreu, Tejada and Jack Cust, just to name a few) and swings like he's trying to hit the ball through the wall every time he takes a cut. In fact, baseball TV guys are contractually obligated to mention how hard he swings every time he steps to the plate (oh, they're not? well then why the fuck do the insist on saying it every fucking time he steps to the plate...? Ohhhhh, right... because all national baseball broadcasters are assholes. Well I guess that makes sense.). When you break the numbers right down, Pedroia is about as qualified as anyone else invited to the game.

But beyond the qualifications there are two reasons why Pedroia should be in the event. The first was alluded to earlier: it would be great to watch. Assuming he doesn't just tank and hit warning track flies all day, it would be a fantastic advertisement for the Derby. No one gives a shit if Josh Hamilton or Dan Uggla hits a dozen home runs and no one will talk about it after the next day (in the same way no one gave a shit when Fred Jones won the dunk contest a couple years ago). But if Pedroia were to make a run in the contest or even just hit a couple shots out, a 5'7" miniature baseball player who swings like a beer league softball player is a great watch. And watchability is the core ingredient to the Home Run Derby. The second reason Pedroia would be a great selection is probably even a better one: he can win.

Pedroia wouldn't have to change a thing about his swing to hit a bunch of BP balls out. With the amount of scrutiny recently placed on "changing swings for the home run derby" and the correlation to reduced production in the second half of the season, players are now reticent to swing for the fences in the Home Run Derby for fear that they will tweak their swings and screw everything up. Dustin Pedroia does not have that fear. He also has a great Yankee stadium swing. He's a dead pull upper cut contact hitter. Unlike the other big home run hitters, he doesn't swing and miss and always makes good contact. He's got half the strikeouts of most other guys (and 1/3 the amount that Dan Uggla has presently) so unlike the other dudes he's much more likely to hit the ball squarely when he swings hard. He may not have the power but he's got the consistency.

At the end of the day, if Uggla or Utley or Hamilton wins the Home Run Derby, it'll be another name in the annals of the Derby and a footnote in the resume of those dudes (or perhaps the lead note in Uggla's resume) and whoever planned to watch the Derby before the participants were announced will still watch. If a 5'7" little piece of shit with a 6'5", 330lb swing is announced a competitor, people who had no interest will watch the sideshow, Pedroia will compete his ass off and with a little luck the most improbable home run derby champ in history will beat the big fellas. I'll take that over the entry of yet another former juicing meatstick any day.

Now That's A Photo

That's just a cool picture, that's all that is.

Um Ron, Not Sure If You Noticed But That Rookie Pitcher You Shouldn't Have Put In Is Getting Shelled

Hey Ron....? RW! Ron... RON! Yeah, that guy you just threw into a one run game at Yankee Stadium has an infinite ERA. You might want to start warming someone up.
I don't know a ton about managing a baseball team and I know even less about Ron Washington, but one thing I do know is that you don't throw a rookie into a one run game at Yankee Stadium to face the heart of the order when he's never thrown a pitch in the majors. What I learned tonight about Ron Washington is that he did not know that.

With the Rangers in front of the Yanks 7-6 heading into the bottom of the seventh, a mere 9 outs from securing a sweep of the Yanks on the road, and the 3-4-5 batters coming up, Rangers manager Ron Washington had a decision to make. With Josh Rupe likely out (he'd thrown 2 innings the previous night), does he throw Frank Francisco who'd thrown a scoreless inning the previous night but would've been pitching on his third straight day? Does he throw Easy Ed Guardado, who is more of a setup man than middle reliever or does he go to Jamey Wright, the veteran journeyman reliever. The decision was made a little more difficult because closer CJ Wilson was likely unavailable after having thrown in the previous three consecutive games. So Guardado was the likely replacement (assuming they needed to close). A pickle indeed but one that managers face daily. And with all these options available to Ron, he instead chose option Z: rookie pitcher Warner Madrigal.

You see the thing about Madrigal is not that he's any worse talentwise than any of the above listed options, it's that he'd never thrown a pitch in the major leagues before this moment. So rather than ease him into MLB service, Ron throws him into the fire choosing him over his seasoned veteran alternatives. You can probably guess what happened. Well it went something like this: Abreu - doubled, A-Rod walked, Giambi doubled (scoring Abreu & A-Rod), Posada doubled (scoring Giambi), and then Cano singled leaving 1st and 3rd with none out. Now what is amazing about this is not that Madrigal had an infinite ERA at this point and had just blown his first major league ballgame, though it will certainly be quite a memory for young Warner, but at this point in the game Ron Washington DID NOT HAVE ANYONE WARMING UP YET! Fortunately for Warner, he got an out when Betemit grounded out (Posada scored on the play). But after bouncing a wild pitch to previously hitless rookie Brett Gardner, it seemed Ron Washington had had enough and there was action in the bullpen. A pitch later and Gardner had his first hit (and RBI) and a slow walk to the mound after that, the Warner Madrigal experience had mercifully ended and a very unloose Jamey Wright was rushed into the game. Wright promptly gave up a hit, a walk and a 3 run home run to A-Rod and what once had been a Rangers win was now a Yanks blowout. It may have been the single worst managing job I've ever seen (no apologies to Grady Little who got a bad rap).

I'm not saying Ron Washington and the Rangers could have prevented what happened to them tonight. The Yanks did seem like a team on a mission (a mission to hit terribly pitched balls very long distances) and it is likely that any pitcher thrown into that game would have been in danger. But putting in a rookie to face 3 batters who have combined for more than 1,000 home runs in a one run game at Yankee Stadium may not have been the best call. You live and learn, Ronald. I hope you learned something tonight. I know I did.

The Celtics Did What?

If I was fatter and had more hair, this would be exactly what I looked like when I flipped to the Celts game at midnight tonight.
Unlike the rest of New England fandom, I've never really been a fan of the Celtics. I liked Larry and all but I was a Michael fan more than anything (and a Drazen Petrovic fan) as a kid and never really fell in love with the Celts. The only reason I have any interest in this NBA Finals is because I think Kobe is the most loathsome Superstar I can ever remember dominating a sport (at least Tyson was interesting) and I root for ANYTHING to beat Kobe (a speeding car, Russia, Colorado law, the Celts... whoever). So it was with this interest in mind that I tuned in at 9:30 to catch the first quarter of the game in the hopes it would be interesting enough to catch my attention. It was not. I turned to 9:30 U.S. Open coverage with the absolutely INSUFFERABLE Chris Berman numbing my mind after the Celts went down 15 8 minutes into the game. At midnight I turned back to see if the game was over and saw the Celts up 3 with 45 seconds to go. I almost shit my pants. The next sequence featured Kobe fouling Pierce and complaining like a bitch, a ton of missed shots with Kobe complaining like a bitch and an unorganized scramble at the end of the game that reminded me of a JV Girls game featuring Kobe scowling like a bitch. It was very enjoyable 5 minutes and while I don't care what the Celts did or how they did it, I hope to everything that is Holy that they do it again.

JD Drew Is Partying Like It's 1997!

These gals should have renamed their group "Handsome"... Right guys? am I right...? I'll show myself out.
Imagine it's 1997 and you're ripping down the street groovin to a new hit tune that you just can't get enough of from those crazy Brits "Chumbawumba" while still trying to get your head around your friend's suggestion that you sign up for what he described as "hotmail" so you can write to eachother on something called the "internet" (you are gay in this hypothetical world). All of the sudden you step in the street and get run over by a Toyota Camry, 1997's top selling car (yes, the world was a far different place in 1997) and fall into a coma. If you were to awake from that coma today, almost everything you knew or thought you knew would be completely different except for one truth: JD Drew is the best baseball player on the planet.

Coming into the 1997 MLB Amateur Draft (in distinct contrast to the MLB professional draft), JD Drew was perhaps one of the top 10 rated prospects ever to enter the draft. Here are a few quips from 1997 draft coverage (I scooped these news archives through Lexis or Westlaw, so providing links is pointless as most of you won't be able to access them and those that can could research it yourselves):

By all accounts, J.D . Drew is the most talented, most polished player available in today's major league draft.

He's regarded by many scouts as the best college outfielder ever. He's the only Division I player to hit 30 home runs and steal 30 bases in the same season. And he's simply a wonderful person, says his Florida State coach.

........

Florida State outfielder J.D. Drew is universally acknowledged as the best player in the draft. Drew is the coverboy on Baseball America's annual draft issue, the can't miss stud.

He put up some amazing numbers for the Seminoles. Drew hit .455 with 31 homers, 100 RBIs and 30 stolen bases. In fact, he's the first collegian to ever go 30-30.

Drew is most often compared to Lenny Dykstra. In fact, "The Dude" got to see Drew in action this spring and came away impressed.

General Manager Lee Thomas and Scouting Director Mike Arbuckle flew to Tallahassee to see the prodigy, up close and personal.

"He's special," Thomas said. "There's nothing not to like. He's got all the tools and he's a real solid citizen."

Indeed. Baseball America rates Drew as the best athlete, the second best pure hitter (behind Rice 1B Lance Berkman), the third fastest baserunner, the third best defensive player and the fourth best power hitter.

Add it all up and it's a classic no-brainer.

The 6-1, 195-pound, left-handed hitter is the Phillies man."

When that guy (you) walking down the street got hit by the car and fell into the coma, JD Drew was the best baseball player scouts had ever seen. But unlike coma dude, the rest of us have spent the last 11 years searching for that JD Drew. What we've received over the last decade has been a mish mosh of injury plagued seasons and top flight talent (see the Drew's 2004 season with Atlanta) that if balanced would lean heavier towards the disappointment than it would consistent excellence. But fortunately for you (coma guy), you've woken up just in time to see what JD Drew was supposed to be and you are none the wiser.

Today, JD Drew is the best right fielder in the American League (apologies to Nick Markakis, Mags & maybe Vlad Guerrero). And to watch him play on his hot streak right now is to recognize just what everyone was talking about ten years ago (and hence what everyone was bitching about the last ten years). His game is absolutely effortless. He plays a borderline gold glove right field, he has an extremely strong and accurate arm (not a Vlad, Markakis, Ichiro gun), he doesn't screw up on the basepaths and is fast enough to get home from second at Fenway, which is a feat. But the real joy is in watching him swing.

When Drew is on (and not getting beat by sliders inside and down) he has one of the most effortless swings you will ever see. His swing looks like Wade Boggs but instead of driving the ball over infielder's heads, he's driving it over the wall. When he drives a ball it just friggin carries. He's a "wrist-flicking" lefty (as opposed to a "weight shifting" lefty like Bonds, Griffey and Papi) and his bat speed is outstanding. Fast enough that he can allow himself that extra split second to see the ball and make up his mind past the point when lesser players are hoping the pitch doesn't catch the corner while their bat skuffs up the shoulder of their uni. And for whatever reason he is completely locked in right now. Since June 1st, JD Drew is 18/36, with 10 BBs, 15 RBI, 15 R & 6 HR. I'd tell you his OPS but it doesn't even make sense (hint: it's close to 2.000). It's just absurd. And it's because of this unreal talent and ability to con teams into unreal contracts that people have never had a whole lot of sympathy for Drew (I wrote an unflattering piece about the man just last year), but maybe the criticism was unfair.

First of all, all the controversy about Drew's initial contract was Boras produced. Even the Philly media admitted as much in 1997 when they flat out BEGGED the Phillies to take him and in doing so pointed out that Drew himself didn't really give a shit about the money:

Drew seems embarrased by the money. He's a throwback. All he wants to do is play ball. But, even he admits, if Travis Lee was worth $10 million -- and scouts say he's as good or better -- well ...

But I do know this. J.D. Drew will be the pledge the Phillies take that they are serious about fielding a winning ballclub.

Please, don't punk out and take a Lance Berkman or Troy Glaus or Darnell MacDonald and then put the spin doctoring on it.

It should also be their rallying cry today. Yo, it's Spike Lee Time. Do the Right Thing. Pick Drew and show him the money.

What Phillies fans love to forget is that Drew was a puppet in Boras' plan to fight the constitutionality of the draft. What every other fan of teams that Drew has played for forgets is that in the healthy seasons of Drew's career (450+ PAs), he's a .290, 25+ HR hitter who drives in around 90 RBI a year. But because he's never healthy and he never talks to the media about his injuries, fans see him as an overpaid prima donna. I don't blame fans for that because I do the same thing when I think guys aren't "toughing it out." As an athlete, JD Drew "deserved" that criticism because athletes aren't supposed to be hurt. But last year, in retrospect, the treatment of JD Drew was the worst by far (by fans and life) and had Drew's story been made public, even the fickle fans of Boston (or maybe even Philly!) probably would've held back a boo or too and rightfully so.

In the beginning of the 2007 season for the Boston Red Sox, JD Drew suffered the toughest blow of his entire career and he wasn't really hurt. Drew's 17 month-old son Jack was diagnosed with developmental displacement of his hips and would require surgery and nearly 2 months in a full body cast. Drew didn't say shit about it to the media and fans had no reason to know about it as they booed Drew unmercifully throughout the 2007 season. To be sure Drew was underperforming, but after moving to a new city and taking on this event, it was probably understandable if Drew was a little distracted (a quote from Drew about the event sums up that theory, "It was hard walking out that door this afternoon," Drew said. "You hate to leave a little guy like that crying for his dad when you're walking out."). By September of last year Drew was the hottest hitter in the lineup and as no Sox fan will forget he hit the game winning Grand Slam in Game 6 and pretty much carried the Sox to the World Series. What was great about that moment is that Drew didn't take the Sox media bait about "vindication" and "silencing the boos", he just went about his business and praised the crowd as he'd done all year. Given what he'd endured (silently) all year, it says a lot about Drew that he never waivered throughout.

So now it's 2008 and Drew is in a good lineup, protected by Manny, he's healthy, he's happy and he's not distracted. To look at him today is probably to see the same guy the scouts saw in 1997 when he was scouted as the greatest college player in the history of the game. If this is the JD Drew renaissance maybe we shouldn't be shocked. After all, if you fell asleep in 1997 and woke up today, you would be wondering what all the full was about. This is the way it was supposed to happen. You'll excuse me if I get nostalgic for a little 1997 love, "Mmmm bop" indeed.

Hey Coco, Rihanna Left A Message For You

This doubles as the "Song of The Week" AND a great message to Coco Crisp after his absurd performance tonight in charging Jamie Shields. Charging the mound made absolutely no sense and became doubly bad when Jacoby went out with a wrist injury. Coco will likely get no less than 8 games when all he should have done was take first base and let Shields continue to get shelled (it was his fault he was thrown at in the first place and he knew it was coming). Instead he put on quite a show, very entertaining (including a great dodge of a Shields haymaker)...

Will Leitch To Leave Deadspin

Those muffled sounds you hear are the subterranean sobs from mothers' basements across the country mourning der leader.
I know I'm supposed to be studying Evidence (or anything law-related) right now but this news was too big to let slide. Founder and Editor of Deadspin, Will Leitch, will step down as Editor of Deadspin and will accept a position as Contributing Editor to New York Magazine.

The news is bittersweet as the loss of Leitch--who as much as anyone has contributed to the growth, relevance and popularity of the sports blogosphere as we know it today--leaves a deep and unfillable hole at Deadspin but it also gives support to the notion that blogging (coupled with a journalism degree and the succesful publication of multiple books) can serve as a respectable source of job experience for purposes of the publishing industry. It's also great for Will who is quickly moving up the media publication ladder and is as deserving of the success as any fellow in the blogosphere.

Selfishly, I'm sad to see Will go because whoever replaces him at Deadspin (a search is on for the replacement and I will not be throwing my hat into the ring, so Vegas can take my 5,000,000:1 odds off the board) will have to deal with lofty comparisons that cannot possibly be met and my guess is that the site will lose some of its draw and ultimately "fade into bolivion." I hope that is not the case but as these things go the real pull of blogs are the personalities. Will Leitch's mark was all over that site every day and his absence will be felt no matter the effort to walk in his footsteps. Deadspin is the most popular sports blog in the internets and it was Will's imprint that made that happen. I, personally, will miss his contribution to the blogosphere and it's my hope that along with continued success to Will that somehow the blogosphere continues to progress in his absence.

My Posting (And Lack Thereof)

Actual footage of my afternoon by my hired sketch artist
Though I'd be surprised if anyone who used to read my shit regularly still comes here anymore (judging by my Google Analytics account, most people come here by searching for an image of a fat guy in front of a computer), I'd like to first apologize for my lack of posting and then apologize for the fact that this will likely continue through at least August and likely through October. Sorry.

Here's the deal: I've begun studying for the NY Bar. And though I originally thought this would lead to a month vacation before I really needed to get my shit together, the Bar course I'm taking (rhymes with Marbury) is a fucking BEAR and requires almost constant attention. It's like I've acquired a newborn. I'm up earlier than I was when I was working I go to bed later, I wake up to screaming at night (my own) and I'm eating soft foods. It's fucking brutal. It's because of this study shit that I'll be forced to effectively "take off" the next couple of months. What that means for anyone still reading is that I'll probably only be able to post twice-ish a week and one of those may be everyone's favorite "Song of The Week". The reason I've been posting those (and I know people don't like them) is because it's really easy to post them and for some reason when I kill a solo bottle of wine I feel like posting them. I'll try and stop.

Lastly, I'll try and keep posting things that really grind my gears as I have time to and hopefully by the time August rolls around I'll be back in the swing of things. And lastly lastly, I'm sorry if you searched for "Grady Sizemore's Cock" and instead got this post.

Baseball Replay Would Be Great But The MLB Is Right To Tread Cautiously

Opening the door for replay review of home runs could neuter the entire roll of the umpire.
I am in favor of using all available technology to improve the outcome of sporting events. With the advent of HD television and the amount of cameras at gamesm, the proper outcome of any controversial situation can be determined in less than a minute via video replay. Add that to the explosion of multilayered media "reporting" on such games, and it's not as though the missed call will go unreported or uncommented on. In this day and age, a bad call is learned of on TV a minute after it happens and opinions as to the impact of the call will be read by thousands within an hour. Before the players are off the field, the controversy will be in full bloom. So it seems absurd that with such an easy fix available and so much unnecessary criticism avoidable, why the fuck doesn't the MLB simply fix the problem and allow video review of home runs and foul balls? The answers are several.

The first point here is that this situation is different than football. Way different. In football, review is ONLY available for "non-discretionary" calls like out of bounds and fumbles and whatnot. Review is NOT available for plays where refs determine if a player impeded the progress of another player so much as to constitute holding or made contact sufficient for a pass interference call.

With baseball, NONE OF THE CALLS ARE DISCRETIONARY (except maybe a balk or check swing). If you hand over the ability to call home runs and foul balls to video replay, there is very little rational way to justify not handing over every decision to replay (major argument against being "tradition").

Here's the slippery slope trajectory: let's say we give replay the ability decide whether controverial home runs are actually home runs. This means determining whether or not they went over the wall, were interfereed with, or hit or went behind the foul poul. That's great. But what do we do about balls down the line that clearly land on or inside the line but are called foul (or vice versa). If we are going to change calls on home runs, why can't we change the call on fair and foul balls? The answer the MLB will give is that determining fair and foul balls on routine hits doesn't generally have as drastic an impact on the games as getting right the home run call. But that distinction is completely arbitrary. The correct call on a double down the line in a bases loaded situation could have much greater ramifications and importance than either Delgado or A-Rod's missed home runs, neither of which had any impact on the outcome of the game. The same rationale for getting right the home run call should and would apply to fair and foul balls. It would take 10 seconds to figure out and would be conslusively determined through the aid of video replay. This makes sense. If we can get it right with ease, why not?

So what then about a catch versus a trap? Or a tag versus missed tag? How about a base runner beating out a play at first? Or a base runner leaving early on a tag play. All of these calls are NON-DISCRETIONARY. The rule definitions are clear and the umps have no discretion to subjectively decide whether the play should go one way or the other. The ball is either caught or it's not and the player is either tagged or he is not.

In all of these situations the outcome of a game could (and has) come down to the improper call (think Don Denkinger. Why not allow the play be correctly called? It would probably come up at most once or twice a game and could be reviewed as quickly as a tennis replay. It would not impact the game's flow other than to allow the correct call to be made and thus to quell the pending outrage. If you can justify allowing home runs and foul balls to be corrected via replay because they can be conclusively determined and the affect on the game is meaningful, why can't you do the same for these other correctible calls (see where we're going here)?

But what everyone is really trying to avoid is allowing an automatic or computerized strike zone. It has become obligatory that when commenting about replay you must also say "well of course we don't want replay of balls and strikes." Well, why the fuck not? The same justification for replaying a home run via video replay applies for accurate determination of balls and strikes via computer. The decision of whether the pitch is a ball or strike is NOT TO THE DISCRETION of the the ump. There's a rule (a clear one at that): "The strike zone is a three dimensional right angle pentagonal. The bottom starts at the hollow of the batter's knees and the top is at a midpoint between the batter's belt and shoulders. If any part of a pitched ball intersects any portion of this zone, the ball is in the strike zone and should be ruled as a strike (unless hit.)" If the ball travels through that plane, it's a fucking strike no matter if you're Greg Maddux, Greg Smith or Gheorghe Muresan. If the technology is not available at present to accurately determine a strike for different heights and body types, eventually it will be available. So at that point, why not use it? The question isn't worth asking because at least in my lifetime that change will never happen.

The reason, I guess, is that for the same reason that parks are different sizes and there's a DH in one league and not in the other is that baseball is great for a lot of reasons and some of that is due to a tradition of "unwritten rules" and human error (for lack of a better phrase) that makes baseball beautifully imperfect. Baseball rewards great players in a way that other players are not rewarded in other sports.

Tom Brady is not going to get a non-discretionary call called his way because he is Tom Brady (unless you count the tuck rule, though that was correctly called and he wasn't really Tom Brady at the time) in the way that Mo Rivera will get an outside corner or Tony Gwynn never struck out looking because no umpire in their right mind would call a close pitch a third strike on Tony Gwynn; he's Tony Fuckin Gwynn for fuck's sake and his eye is better than theirs!

While the game would develop a level of consistency unmet in the current scheme--a scheme that can be unbearably frustrating when assholes like Rick Reed or Hunter Wendelstedt are behind the plate--that consistency wouldn't make the game any better. In my opinion, it would actually make the game worse (much worse) because the game is in part built on that tradition of "earning" the outside corners are earning a close walk through years of proving yourself as a player. There's a certain frustrating beauty to a tight/wide strike zone and seeing how professional players react to it. It's not perfect in terms of "getting it right" but it's a perfectly enjoyable part of the game.

I think where I was intending to go with this was merely to point out how easily the simple position of approving replay for home runs could quickly turn into an all-robot umpiring team. I'm not 100% sure where I stand on this because I am very uncomfortable with allowing the introduction of replay due to the "slippery slope" effect of its implementation. It's just as easy to make the argument for review of home runs as it is to make the argument for review of almost ANY call in the majors. So while the idiot public (myself included) and the MORE idiotic hysterical opinion media (Mike & Mike, Michael Kay & dozens of others) are screaming to the high hills for replay to be used because of recent issues, the MLB is right to be cautious. Though it may seem absurd today, reviewing home runs is a hop and skip up the slippery slope from putting Johnny 5* behind the plate. And clearly we don't want that.

*I'd highly recommend checking out that link. I won't ruin it, but if you haven't listened to the "Short Circuit" soundtrack in awhile or you weren't around for the phenomenon that was "El DeBarge," this will provide a refresher course.

Smittblog Song Of The Week

The song is "Bra" by the 70's funk band Cymande (pronounced Sah-mahn-day). If you think you recognize it you are either are De La Soul fan (the song was sampled in De La Soul's "Change in Speak" from the 3 Feet High & Rising Album) or you remember it from the club scene in the Spikke Lee joint 25th Hour when a young and severely fucked up Anna Paquin is trying to seduce a not-so-young (or hip) Philip Seymour Hoffman (Paquin's high school teacher in the film) at Monty's going away party at the Russian DUMBO club. For my money the second best scene of the film (clearly the mirror scene is the best scene for its pure balls) , especially the part when Hoffman leaves the bathroom after cheddarballing with Paquin and realizing he fucked up. Great scene, great song, great Hoffman. Not much more you need in a film for my money.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeouch, Forbesy!

Reporter Ryan McGeeney was merely standing on the field of competition and attempting to shoot photos of the shot put when he felt something on his leg. Well that "thing" turned out to be a javelin. Somehow, rather than freak out and scream like a girl (as I would have reacted), McGeeney hit the ground and took the above picture with javelin-in-leg. He later described the resulting feeling as "kind of tight feeling in the skin where I could say, 'oh yeah, it went through me,' but it wasn't real painful." Wasn't real painful...? Unless you get your jollies from receiving root canals our ritual ballhair burning, a javelin through the knee is f'n painful. I don't care who you think you are, Ry guy.

Sure Lester Was Great, But How About Varitek?

Tek is often the subject of unverifiable media ballwashing about his ability to "call a game." We may finally have a stat that suggests this ballwashing may be justified.
It is almost impossible to prove that one catcher behind the plate calling a game gives you an advantage over another. You could probably do a study using the same pitchers and the same opponents with different catchers and compare those pitchers' results (compare Posada to the Molina-Moeller combo, for instance), but the intervening factors are too many to prove with any reliability that the results were dependent on the catcher's ability to call the correct game. Despite this truth, you would have a tough time getting through any nationally televised Red Sox game without hearing an announcer laud Jason Varitek for his ability to "handle a pitching staff" and "call a game." They often cite his preparation and tireless work ethic as evidence of this ability as if no other catcher in the league prepares as much as he does (while it's possible that this is true, it's unverifiable at worst and unlikely at best). And while we may never have statistical proof that Jason Varitek is any better at calling a game than say Greg Zaun, there is one stat after tonight's Jon Lester no hitter that should make you step aand say, "huh."

If you watched SportsCenter, you are aware that Jason Varitek is the first catcher since 1900 to catch 4 no hitters. A remarkable achievement and unbelievable statistic given how much luck is involved in throwing no hitters. Since Varitek has entered the league, there have been 15 no hitters thrown and Jason Varitek has caught 4 of them. It's truly amazing that he's been a part of so many no hitters in his career but it does not prove that Varitek is any better at calling a game than anyone else any more than the fact that Virgil Trucks threw two no hitters in the same season is not evidence that he was one of the best pitchers of all-time (let alone the best pitcher in 1952). But this stat may mean something: Jason Varitek has not only caught 4 no hitters but he was 7 outs from catching 7 no hitters(5 no hitters and 2 perfect games)!

Last year he was one out away with Schilling's 8 & 2/3rds of perfect game against the A's, he was 3 outs away from a Wakefield no hitter in 2001 and missed a Pedro perfecto against the Rays in 2000 by another three outs. A break here or there and he not only leads the history of the majors in catching no hitters, he is doubling up the next closest guy. Not only that, but since 2000 there have only been 9 no hitters broken up in the 9th inning and Jason Varitek has caught 3 of those. Of the 24 no hitters or near no hitters since 2000, Jason Varitek has caught 7 of those game. Now that's statistically significant.

Maybe all this about Tek knowing what he's doing is more than mere announcer ballwashing afterall.