Matsui Marries Woman To Win $2000

Is it me or does this sketch look like every alien sketch ever made except this one has a wig on?
So what might you ask is the Yanks' Hideki Matsui doing holding a sketch of an Asian woman in front of reporters? Well, this sketch happens to be Matsui's artistic impression of his new bride. And while this picture alone would be worthy of a post because it is so ridiculous, we then learn that Matsui made a Seinfeldian wager with Jeter and Abreu over who would be the first to be married:

At the beginning of spring training, Matsui heard of Bobby Abreu and Jeter having a bet in which the first one to get married would owe money to the other. Since Abreu has a girlfriend, his time frame was six months. With no steady girl, Jeter was given a year.

Matsui asked into the action and was accepted into the Bachelor Derby by Abreu and Jeter. Now, according to Abreu, he and Jeter are out $1,000 by the shrewd Matsui.

"How do you say sneaky in Japanese?" said a stunned Jeter, who thought reporters were joking when they told him Matsui got married Wednesday. "If he wanted the money all he had to do was ask..."

To answer Jeter's first question (according to Babel Fish), I think it is pronounced "卑劣," idiot.

The wager itself was absurd. Abreu gave himself 6 months to get married? 6 months from the beginning of Spring Training is August, and between now and then there is baseball non-stop. Is he retarded? Not to mention how pysched the bride-to-be must be that they were making these wagers in the first place (not that any chick is going to get pissed at Derek Jeter for being the subject of a wedding wager). But lest you think these guys are throwing all the romance out the window here, you haven't heard the warm and thoughtful words Matsui mustered from the bottom of his heart to describe the love of his life:

"The bride is a 25-year-old civilian and had been formerly working in a reputable position at a highly respected company," Matsui said.

That is panty soaking material.

Hey Great! It's Opening.... ehh

Little Johnny doesn't need to fake an illness this year for Opening Day. He just needs a touch of insomnia.
Baseball Almanac describes Opening Day in the following way

"Regardless of the outcome, Opening Day still remains as the number one date in the hearts, minds (and on the calendars) of baseball fans everywhere. The official countdown begins after the last pitch of the World Series when we can't wait to hear those two magic words again, "Play Ball!"

And far be it from me to suggest that the expansion of the game into foreign markets isn't a good thing (it is, right?), but couldn't they wait for a midseason game between maybe the Mariners and Angels or something? What in the hell are the Red Sox doing in Japan in March and what in the hell is Japan doing hosting Opening Day?

Now I'm no Baseball traditionalist or some old balls who yearns for the days of higher mounds, no DH and Polo Grounds, but there are some things about Baseball that set it apart from the other sports. Opening Day is one of those things. Opening Day is Spring. It's really the only sport that corresponds directly with a season (sure they're called the "Boys of Summer" but Baseball signifies Spring and warmth while football is played in 6 weeks of veritable scorching heat). Opening Day is not just another day on the calendar or another Baseball game, it's a borderline national holiday. And while the real ESPN "Opening Day" is Sunday Night (according to the promo ads I've seen), the game Tuesday morning between the A's and Red Sox is billed as the MLB's "Opening Day" for all intents and purposes; and it's being held in another country (and that country is not even Canada!). It would be like holding the Iditarod in New Zealand (not really) or Pamplona moving the Running of The Bulls to Newark. It's one of the biggest events of the Baseball season and we've just handed it to another continent. It's a little anticlimactic for the sport if not borderline sacrilege. There's very little buzz for the start of the season outside of the Red Sox lunatic fringe (I'll be up at 6am) and that's not good for the game. I guess more than anything I just don't get the need for something like this. I'm all for giving other countries some of the games (you can give Europe ALL the Orioles - Royals games), but Opening Day? For me, some things are truly sacred. And if you think I'm being too sentimental, check out this Opening Day Song (created in 2005) and see if you don't get sentimental too:

"It never fails to amaze me
that cut grass can smell so good
I can't believe that someone pays me
for shagging flies and swinging wood
I close my eyes and smell the leather,
the Copenhagen and Ben Gay
I hear the rookies making chatter
God, I love those old cliches
On Opening Day

I nursed a hamstring down in cactus
I gained a pound and lost a step
But when I take my batting practice
The fans know the deal's kept
The guy in the chicken get-up
He's gonna be worn out by May
But today he doesn't let up
Like me he came to play
On Opening Day
It's Opening Day

The papers say that the odds are long
for us to be a first division team
The polls have us starting off strong
but running out of steam
We don't need no fortune tellers
and we don't need no crystal ball
We've got some big propellers
with arms taking us into Fall
And last season's dugout trances
are someone else's memory
Today's the day for second chances
There's no such thing as history
On Opening Day
It's Opening Day
On Opening Day
It's Opening Day"

The Refs Seem To Like This UCLA Team

A&M's Donald Sloan walked away with lacerated wrists, a bruised elbow and herpes. What he didn't get was two free shots.
Overlooked in a day filled with great games and big upsets was UCLA pulling out a weak win over Texas A&M in the final seconds and the suspect non-call shown above. That really couldn't be a more blatant missed call (but makes a little more sense when you realize that the crew was led by Big East veteran Tim Higgins) and it falls in line with the other gifts UCLA has been handed this year. And while the stakes were pretty high before, from here on out a non-call or bullshit foul (see Stanford game below) will not go unnoticed. If UCLA continues to receive this type of disparate treatment, someone's going to start putting the pieces together. I know UCLA has a big following and all, but this is starting to get ridiculous.