Clemens Scheduled Appearance At His Charity Golf Event During The ALCS

Old people are funny sometimes.
Maybe he just forgot about it. I mean, maybe Clemens scheduled his appearance at the charity event that bares his name (Johnny & the Rocket Swing Fore Charity) during the second week in October and just plain forgot that the ALCS is also scheduled during that time. The guy is old afterall. Or maybe this was all part of his "Clemens Old Person Family Plan" with the Yanks that allows him to skip starts in the playoffs or not be with the team during the first couple games of the ALCS because he's gotta swing the wrenches with Johnny Bench and Jay Haas (Haasticles won the event last year). Or maybe because he wasn't going to start a game for the Yanks until games 3 or 4 anyway, he just figured he didn't need to be around for games 1 & 2. Or maybe old people have the ability to see the future and because of that he knew the Yanks weren't going to make the ALCS. Or maybe Clemens is just a dick and scheduled his charity event during the ALCS because he's doesn't give a fuck about his team.

Who knows why he did it and it didn't end up making a shit of difference because the Yanks are out of the playoffs anyway. But this could have been a big deal for the Yanks if they were still in this thing and they'd have to deal with it in the media. Or maybe the Yanks would just have bent over and taken it from Clemens in this situation like they have every other time.

ESPN's Coverage Of The Pats v. Cowboys Is Gonna Be Painful

You thought ESPN's coverage of the Yanks v. Red Sox exhibition games was excessive? You ain't seen nothin yet.
I try not to be "one of those guys" who just rips ESPN every chance I get. But given their monopoly over the coverage of my favorite subject, it is hard to not sometimes form an opinion about the Worldwide Leader. In general, I love ESPN. I can't imagine life without SportsCenter or NFL Matchup with the insufferable Merril DuAine Hoge. But sometimes, they just really overdo it. This week's coverage of the Pats v. Cowboys WEEK FUCKING 6 MATCHUP is an example of one of those times.

The Pats - Cowboys game is interesting. That's hard to deny. To of the best teams so far this year are squaring off. That's great. But it's not a playoff game, it has no greater implications beyond one win or one loss and it just really isn't that big a deal. If ESPN were to cover the game responsibly, it would lead their football coverage, Jaws and Merrill would scream about it on Matchup and Berman would "cleverly" (not-so-cleverly) segue into it as the lead for NFL Countdown. Instead, they're doing this:

This Week On Sunday Countdown
• Comprehensive breakdown on all the key matchups, with special guest analyst Bill Parcells.
• Bill Belichick's sweatshirt: What do his players think of the coach's fashion statement? Rachel Nichols reports.
• The Mayne Event features a cameo from Patriots QB Tom Brady, who sheds some light on why he's been on the injury report for 67 straight weeks.

Fortunately, Kenny Mayne's hilarious antics should save this segment. I can't wait for some poorly scripted banter between Kenny and Matt Light. At least I won't need to do any crunches after all that hilarity. Oooooh, and Belichick's sweatshirt! What DO his players really think? I AM FUCKING DYING TO KNOW! TELL ME NOW! I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SUNDAY YOU COCK TEASE RACHEL NICHOLS!

Hey ESPN, you want to know why people sometimes roll their eyes at your bullshit? This is why.

Boeheim Says Coaches Better Watch Their Mouths

According to the NCAA, a new point of emphasis this year will be a crackdown on coaching/bench decorum on the court.

Cursing or venturing onto the court could draw college basketball coaches a quick technical foul this season.

The NCAA is making bench decorum a point of emphasis for 2007-08 and warns coaches to expect a whistle without warning for a variety of unsportsmanlike actions.

And while that's all fine and dandy, I find it a little funny that the coach quoted in the article about the rule emphasis is none other than Jim Boeheim (though given his role as president of the National Association of Basketball Coaches, he was probably forced to say something).

You see Boeheim is not exactly one who holds "coaching decorum" in high regard. If you watched the above video or have been anywhere near the 'Cuse bench for a Syracuse game you are aware that Jimmy curses like a sailor. Having Boeheim speak about enforcing the new anti-cursing rule is like picking Quin Snyder to talk about a "no cocaine before games" rule.

The Post Hasn't Quite Gotten Over The Yanks Loss Yet

So I found this poll in the on NYPost.com today. Hmmmmmmm.... I wonder what they should do IF the Yanks lose...

Technoviking

I don't normally post random video links from people I don't know, but this one was way too good to pass up. The captions are great but not nearly as great as the kick ass dance moves that come at the 1:30 and 3:00 minute marks (if it counts down as opposed to up, the 2:30 and 1:00 minute marks). To steal a line from Deadspin commenters (who I'm certain stole it from somewhere else, likely The Simpsons), I'd like to welcome our Technoviking overlords.

Hat tip to Zen C., whoever you are.

Suzy Waldman Does It Again. This Time With Sniffling & Tears

Words cannot describe how unbelievable the audio clip contained within the following link is (presently I can't copy the audio clip directly to my site, so you'll have to grab it via the gents at Awful Announcing). Waldman starts talking about Joe Torre with John Sterling and then just turns into a sniffling, blubbering mess. Fortunately John was there to guide her through this tough time:

"Well Suzyn, um... in life, unfortunately, all good things come to an end..."

UPDATE: You may be able grab the link directly here

Perhaps The Worst Nationally Televised Football Game Of All-Time

These two dudes seem like fun.
For the most part, the increased coverage of sports on the cable dial has been a welcome achievement. Now instead of being forced to watch Notre Dame play Navy or some other such shit, you can watch Cincy play South Florida on some crappy network in the high 40's or 170's with John Congemi and Craig Coshun calling the game. That's progress. More choices provides better options. But things have now officially swung too far. According to Syracuse.com, the Syracuse v. University of Buffalo game will be televised nationally on ESPNU. According to Rivals.com, these two teams are ranked 107th and 102nd in the nation respectively out of the 120 teams they rank, and they have another week to get worse (Buffalo plays Toledo (ranked 104) this weekend while 'Cuse hosts Rutgers). Isn't women's college soccer on or something?

Pssst, Hey Jaws And Kornheiser, Not Sure What Game You Were Watching But Trent Edwards Sucked Last Night

If you spent any time watching Monday Night Football with the audio on (a mistake I may not make again), you probably noticed that Kornheiser and Jaws fell in love with the smarts and poise of Bills rookie QB Trent Edwards. The reason, likely, was because they had all this built up positive sentiment ready for Romo but were unable to use it when Romo just went bonkers and started lobbing the ball to the other team so they had to release it somehow and Edwards had the ball so often they felt the need to lump praise on him. They treated Trent Edwards like he was the heir apparent to Jim Kelly. The problem was that Trent Edwards was not good. In fact, he was pretty awful (though I guess the term "awful" is relative when the guy on the other team throw 5 Ints and fumbles once).

The Buffalo Bills did not score an offensive touchdown. The Bills offense received the ball 4 different times via turnovers and didn't convert ANY OF THOSE TURNOVERS INTO POINTS. Edwards only had one drive over 37 yards and his longest completion was a 23 yarder to Lynch who made something out of nothing. He was no threat to throw the ball downfield and while that is much more an issue of gameplanning and play-calling that it is Trent Edwards, he checked down to Lynch, Royal and the crackhead Roscoe Parrish (what the hell was his deal last night? Every time he touched the ball he was jitterbugging all over the field like he was running on hot coals.). At least two INTs were dropped and he's lucky that last pick was tipped because Newman would have gone all the way if the tipped ball didn't allow Evans to get a few steps on him. He ended the game with 176 yards (though he did complete over 70% of his passes). He didn't lose that game but he may have been the reason the Bills didn't win (if that makes any sense).

Is Shelly Duncan Retarded?

This really doesn't have much to do with anything, but I've been wondering this for a very long time. I'd really like to know if Duncan is just a little mentally soft or not as able as the rest of us. Something about him just looks off.

Is A Fake Field Goal Really A "Fake" If The Other Team Knows You're "Faking It?"

Even through G-Rob's rose-colored glasses, that fake field goal on Saturday was a fucking disgrace.
With a final score of 55-14 it's not as if one play won or lost the Syracuse - West Virginia game on Saturday (though after the nose tackle returned the interception in the first quarter, 'Cuse never fully recovered), but there was one play that fully defined Syracuse's season and pretty much summed up the entire tenure of head coach Greg Robinson to date (a tenure that may be on its last legs). In the first quarter and down 14-7, Syracuse setup for a 40 yard field goal. Well within the range of All-Conference kicker--and all-world eater--Pat Shadle. This would put 'Cuse within 4 and make things remarkably respectable going into the second quarter. The only problem was that Shadle wasn't back to kick. Instead he was there to hold and the holder--punter John Barker--was back to kick. Something was amiss, and EVERYONE KNEW WHY:

Syracuse attempted a fake field goal with John Barker lined up as the kicker and Pat Shadle as the holder. Usually, their roles are reversed. West Virginia coaches called it out immediately to alert the defense. Robinson told Barker to run the play anyway.

Shadle took the snap, flipped the ball over his shoulder to Barker, who ran a sweep 3 yards and was tackled. The Orange was 5 yards short of the first down.

I really love that last sentence. Such a subtle dig at the futility of it all.

Now, like the article's writer (later he praises the move), I don't blame Syracuse one bit for going for it. I don't think it was necessary but it's about time they showed some guts. But the idea that WVU knew what was going on and yet they STILL ran the play anyway.... that's just ridiculous. Why not call a timeout and run a play on 4th and 7? They were getting decent looks down the field at that point. It's not like the fake field goal was a pass or featured someone athletic enough to make a play. They were running their punter around the end on a naked boot. The play only works if no one expects it. Even if one guy on the defense suspected the play he could averted the first down by himself. Given that the whole team was shouting out the fake, it never stood a chance.

And why is this play such a microcosm of the entire G-Rob era, well, it is evidence of the blind optimism over any semblance of management of the game or ability to react quickly and make tough decisions. Just because you want to take a risk doesn't mean you have to. What if instead of setting up in a blocked kick formation WVU setup in their base defense? What if they overloaded their D-line to the side you were going to fake? Was there an audible to the weak side? Was there a kick audible? Were they in ANY WAY PREPARED FOR THE FACT THAT THE DEFENSE MAY HAVE BEEN ONTO THEIR TRICKERY? The answer to all of these questions is no. In G-Rob's world, you do not react. You go with your gut and because you are so damn optimistic about your chances, you assume that you can will good things to happen. Unfortunately, when the other team is more athletic than you are, the ONLY advantage you have is to catch them off guard and show them schemes, plays and matchups they don't expect. That requires flexibility on the coaches and players. It requires that the QB have a different call for certain defensive reads, that the coaches have different formations and packages available if the other defense shows them something they don't expect and it requires that YOU FOREGO THE THE FAKE FIELD GOAL WHEN IT IS CLEAR THAT THE OTHER TEAM KNOWS IT IS COMING.

I like G-Rob the guy. He can sell tickets and kiss babies and if he was selling snake oil, I'd probably buy it. But he can't coach a good football team let alone one that sorely needs the advantage of an innovative and flexible coach.