Thursday, November 15, 2007


If something isn't done quickly, $1 million worth of 100 year-old Jack Daniels may end up like this guy!

This has absolutely nothing to do with sports but I feel it my responsibility to do my part to prevent this injustice. Though Jack Daniels has done more harm to me than good, something needs to be done here.

It seems that the commie pinko authorities of Nashville, Tennessee have confiscated 2,400 bottles of Jack Daniels and plan on pouring it out because they suspect that it was sold by someone without a license. THEY ARE POURING IT OUT! The humanity! And I'm not the only one upset about it:
"Punish the person, not the whiskey," said an outraged Kyle MacDonald, 28, a Jack Daniel's drinker from British Columbia who promotes the whiskey on his blog. "Jack never did anything wrong, and the whiskey itself is innocent."


Christopher Carlsson, a spirits connoisseur and collector in Rochester, N.Y., said old vintages of whiskey in their original containers are highly prized.

"A lot of these bottles are priceless," he said. "It's like having a rare painting. It's heavily collected."
Yes, like a Picasso, Van Gogh or Bob Ross. I'm not sure how we can prevent this from going down, but if anyone has any pull in the greater Nashville area, you must stop this. Like Kyle MacDonald said, "the whiskey itself is innocent."

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Am I Crazy Or Does Something Seem Not Quite Right About This A-Rod Situation

Look behind you, gay 1500's Brian Cashman! Boras is standing right there!

Something stinks in Denmark (and the Bronx).

According to various reports, A-Rod is in talks with the Yankees about coming back despite both sides going there separate ways a couple weeks ago and the Yanks stating that never in a million years would they take him back (I think the exact language was that they didn't want him back because "he doesn't want to be a Yankee"). Lost in the sports talk radio elation of Michael Kay and his flock of sheep for the joyous return of their prodigal third baseman to his true home and where he was meant to be his entire life is the reality of the whole situation. If the folks calling up the NY radio stations today were any indication of the pulse of NY on the situation, New Yorkers believe that they duped Boras and are getting A-Rod for 5 cents on the dollar. They believe he's come back because he couldn't bare being out of pinstripes for another second because it makes him look slimmer. But here's the thing...Nothing has changed! There is no difference between this negotiation and the last time the Yanks lost their $30 million subsidy and said they'd never talk about it again. The Yanks, and A-Rod, are back at square one. The Yanks gained no leverage in letting A-Rod walk and finding out that he may not get his $35 million (a completely unrealistic number that Boras NEVER thought he'd get) because they were the only ones willing to pay the $28 million over ten years he's going to get from them ANYFUCKINGWAY! They are STILL bargaining against themselves only this time feel better about it because they've convinced themselves that it's ok because Boras isn't "negotiating." The only thing that is different this time is the perception that the Yankees are in control. But since nothing in the market has changed (check that, nothing in the market other than the fact that the Yanks promised a catcher $13 million on his 40th birthday). The same teams are still out there willing to pay A-Rod whatever they're willing to pay him. No team is going to play their true hand until the Winter Meetings and even then it may take another month after that to get A-Rod signed. So the idea that A-Rod misgauged the market is way off base. He has no idea what the market is right now. The only thing he knows is that he needs the Yanks at the very least interested in order to get his top value. And the Yanks were steadfast against Scott Boras being in the room while that negotiation took place. So essentailly he's getting paid the same amount but Boras isn't allowed in the room. And if you don't think that the guy who couldn't decide whether or not he was Puerto Rican or American is having his strings pulled by the Satan's Super Agent, you are nuts. The Yanks are going to pay A-Rod more money than any player in the history of sport because Boras and A-Rod have given them the impression that they are in control. It's f'n absurd.

This situation reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. French poet Baudelaire wrote (and was later bastardized and immortalized by Verbal Kint in the classic, "The Usual Suspects")
"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."
Color the Yanks tricked.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I Love This Cuse Team But Dear Lord They Are Going To Give Me An Ulcer

In two games Jonny Flynn has been dominant, clutch and absolutely excruciating.

In football, there are those players who give you those "No no no no.... YEEEEEEES moments." Guys like Devin Hester and Brett Favre who turn what looks like a ten yard loss or a horrible decision into six in the blink of an eye. They toe the fine line between reckless and genius but have the innate ability and confidence to take the chance and make the play that no one else can make. For all the exhilaration that comes with the great plays, the exasperation that come with the awful plays by these types can leave you scratching your head. Any time these guys are on the field it is a roller coaster of emotions. With that in mind, meet your 2007-2008 Syracuse Orangemen Basketball team.

First, it should be noted that these kids are good. Syracuse brought in the top recruiting class in the land this year and they are no joke. Two of the freshman start, 4 see time and when all's said and done the kid with the most upside (Sean Williams and his 7'9" wingspan) may not even see the floor until next year. The point guard, Jonny Flynn, is Sherm Douglas with range on top of range. After lighting up the senior laden--and likely MAAC champion--Siena Saints for 28 points the previous night, Flynn had a quiet night for 39 minutes and 55 seconds of the St. Joe's game. That was until he knocked down the game winning 24 footer with 5 seconds to play after not hitting a shot all night. Meanwhile, his partner in crime, freshman Donte Greene, began his coming out party with an 18 point game and displayed the range that 6'11" kids aren't supposed to have. The game featured no look passes, deep threes, a ton of steals and strong blocks by hyper athletic kids and when all was said and done the top 3 scorers for 'Cuse were a freshman and two sophomores against a veteran--and very strong--St. Joe's team. But there is a seedy underbelly to all of this flash and excitement.

This Syracuse basketball team is about as reckless and impatient a team as they've ever had... and that's saying something because Syracuse is not known for their methodical and regimented offensive scheme. These guys want to make so many plays all the time they can hardly help themselves but throw an errant pass on a fast break or dribble through three guys rather than make the easy pass. They never run the clock down and play the last 2 minutes of the game exactly the same way they did the first 2. It is infuriating to watch a point guard who has commanded the entire game drive = the lane get a passed picked off in a close game with 20 seconds left on the shot clock. And though their defense (especially their transition defense) was light years better than the previous evening's, they have a ton of trouble recognizing shooters and got tired near the end of the game and gave St. Joe's about half a dozen second chances. Cuse kept letting St. Joe's back in this game via second chances and open looks when they should have put them away with a simple box out. In fact, had it not been for the blown breakaway layup by the St. Joe's dude (his name escapes me), Syracuse would likely have let St. Joe's win this game. And it would have been a deflating loss for these youngsters to swallow, and for me to watch on Tivo (stupid evening Professional Responsiblity class...).

Fortunately, these kids are good. In fact they are really good. Flynn is probably the best freshman point guard in the nation and Greene is just feeling his oats and could go off for 35 on any given night. Onuaku is a man-child in the middle and looks better than anyone could ever have imagined (he may be the reason this team is 2-0 and not 0-2). Paul Harris is the second coming of Charles Barkley and at 6'4" he may lead the Big East in rebounds this year as a sophomore (he's grabbed 14 and 15 in two games so far this year). And we haven't even gotten to Devendorf, who is one of the 50 preseason Naismith nominees and the only player on the court with significant time in the prior to this year. Off the bench they've got a kid in Rick Jackson who if he could break the starting lineup could pump in 15 and 10 a night with ease (he may have the best low post game of any Syracuse player since Seikaly). And Scoop Jardine and Kristof Ongenaet are high upside role players who are finding their way. It's the most exciting team I can remember, even more than the 'Melo and Gerry team because where that team had two great players and little to nothing else, this team has 4 high energy freshman, two physical sophomores and a stud junior leader, all of whom attack the rim like they it just insulted their grandma.

I'm gonna have fun watching this team this year. I'll just have to be sure to keep the Rolaids within reach.

Steph Says: TTYL

Stephon Marbury went AWOL from the Knicks. He then went LMAO to the Post.

When Starbury didn't show up to the Knicks shoot around in Phoenix this morning it became clear that earlier reports that the Knicks and Marbury weren't seeing eye-to-eye were in fact true. When we later learned that Marbury had in fact left the team (and the state of Arizona), well, that's when things got weird.

First Isiah told reporters that the problem was "in house," then the coach went on to talk about the issue with reporters. He said there was no problem and that he hoped Marbury would be at the game, giving the impression that Zeke thought Marbury was at the very least in Phoenix. The only problem was that unbeknownst to Isiah, Marbury was on a plane to NYC. And when Marbury touched down, he did what any normal professional athlete would do, he immediately texted the New York Post. In this text he told the Post that he received permission from from Isiah to go back to New York, which seems a little odd considering Isiah seemed to suggest that he thought Marbury would show up for tonight's game. It would seem someone's not telling the truth. It's hard to fathom how a civil jury didn't buy MSG's side of the story in the sexual harassment trial given how honest these guys are with the media. God this team is fucked up.

But if you want to know the real truth about the matter, the Smittblog has intercepted the exclusive text message sent from Marbury to Zeke as well Starbury's text to former Knicks intern Kathleen Decker as soon as he touched down this afternoon:
"Zeke, OMG! WTF? YCT ESPN was BS Dawg! GFYMF! GGN, some GLG is gonna SMB. PITMEMBOAM"
Followed by:
"KD, WU? NMHJC. IWSN. RUUP4IT? Meet me at 1174 so I can TTA. LMFAO! SYS."

(if you have no clue what any of this means, here's the cipher)

Mark Mangino = William Conrad

I've been meaning to post this for some time and while it may not be all that creative or original, the resemblance between Kansas Head Coach and the orginal Fatman William Conrad is remarkable (though not even close to that of Mike Tomlin and Omar Epps). And if some of you youngsters don't know of Mr. Conrad's work, please refer to the below video (such an underrated show).

Monday, November 12, 2007

Not That Anyone's Paying Attention, But Josh Smith Seems Like A Bit Of A Handful

Josh Smith sure can jump high and he also can act like a 5 year-old.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but when I was growing up only the really good players were allowed to complain about not getting the ball enough. Players like Jordan and Bird were allowed to yell at their point guards for not getting them the ball because for the most part not getting those guys the ball meant your team was going to lose. I guess I missed the memo that indicated that even above-average young players were allowed to scream about not getting the ball.

According to the Detroit News' Chris McCosky, Atlanta Hawks free agent-to-be Josh Smith went all kinds of prima donna on his point guard Tyronn Lue in their loss to the Pistons on November 4th:
During the Hawks game against the Pistons, he (Smith) was yelling at teammate Tyronn Lue because he wasn't passing him the ball enough. He yelled at coach Mike Woodson to get Lue out of the game and had to be restrained by coaches and teammates. When he did get the ball, he often broke plays to get off his own shot. Then, after playing terribly most of the game, he was given a gift of three free throws (on a debatable call against Rasheed Wallace ). After he made the free throws, which only tied the game, he gave the Pistons' bench the stink-eye, as if he did something heroic. The Pistons won the game on the ensuing possession.
Jesus dude. I know you're in a contract year and want close to a max deal, but you're not good enough to yell at anyone let alone your point guard and coach for not getting you the ball. You're a physically gifted chucker (.363 shooting percentage so far this year) who doesn't play good team D but blocks a lot of shots because you get out of position and then compensate with your other wordly leaping ability. It would be nice if someone from the Altanta organization slapped this kid right in the mouth and taught him how to play ball. Too bad there's a better chance that I win next year's dunk contest than that happening.

At 0-8 (now 0-9) We Knew The Miami Dolphins Sucked At Football. But Who Knew They Sucked At Talking Shit?

I agree with this anonymous gay dude. Shhhhhhhhh, Miami.

The Dolphins are the worst team in the NFL and it's not really close. They have no quarterback, their offensive line is a joke, their defense is comically bad and old and they draft like they are shitfaced. Coming into this year their best case scenario was maybe 5 wins. And while no expected them to lose their first 8 games coming into this past weekend, they don't even rank in terms of most disappointing teams of the season with St. Louis, the Jets and San Fran fighting for that label. They suck and everyone knew they were gonna suck. So where does this shitty team get off talking shit?

According to Bills players, with the Dolphins up 8pts in the 4th quarter of a horrendously played game, the Dolphins players started talking shit to the Bills players. And some of the stuff they said just really didn't make a ton of sense:
"'You're about to get beat by an O-8 Dolphins team,'" Bills defensive end Chris Kelsay said one Miami player told him. "Who in their right mind would say that, anyway?"


"It's a 60-minute game," Bills linebacker Angelo Crowell said. "I just told my guys not to listen to that nonsense. They were talking like they were up 20."
Wait, so let me get this straight. They were giving another team shit because they themselves suck? That's fucking pathetic. You know things aren't going well when the only thing you can come up with to talk shit about is how bad your own team is. I knew things were going poorly in Miami, but good grief those guys are fucking losers.

The Real Detroit Lions Just Stood Up

You'd be sad too if your team rushed for -18 yards in a game.

I mentioned this last week" but it's worth mentioning again (especially after some negative comments and a couple of really strange and angry emails): the Lions are not very good. In fact, they are kinda awful. Here are some of the pertinent stats from yesterday's disgusting defeat to one of the most average teams in the NFL. In the second half, they had the ball 7 times and turned it over 5 times (once on downs because they couldn't get one yard). They had no drives with over ten plays and only two drives lasted longer than two and a half minutes. If not for the short field touchdown in the first half and the garbage time touchdown, this game would have been an absolute blowout, and even with them it wasn't that close. And the real big number is the rushing yards: Negative 18 yards. Wow. I know I said earlier that this team is not even as close to as good as its record but I really didn't know just how bad they were. They are awful. In fact, just go and re-read my previous post (linked to above). The only thing I got wrong there was that I said Detroit would be favored this past weekend, they were not nor should they have been. It will be a Christmas miracle if they win a single game from here on out (and yes, I'm aware they play Minnesota).

In The Annals Of "Guaranteed Victories," Wyoming's Joe Glenn's May Go Down As The Weakest

Joe Glenn's guarantee makes Tommy Boy's dump in a box guarantee look pretty good.

Wyoming Head Football Coach Joe Glenn is a bit of a blowhard. He doesn't mince words he loves being in the press and his overall personality seems a little abrasive; especially for a shitstain of a program like Wyoming. So I guess I wasn't all that surprised when I heard that he had guaranteed a victory over Utah this weekend in Utah. I must say that I was a little surprised by the final score: Utah 50 - Wyoming 0. I mean, hole-E-shit that is a shitkicking. And the thing about the guarantee was that it's not like Utah is Syracuse or Temple or Notre Dame or some other awful team. They killed UCLA earlier this year and had won 5 straight coming into the game. And Wyoming pretty much sucks. So how Glenn had the balls to guarantee that they would even be competitive in this game is beyond me. But that's not even the best part....

You see, the Utes were well informed of Glenn's guarantee and let's just say they took it a little personally. Up 43-0 in the 3rd quarter, the Utes attempted an onside kick. And I think it fair so infer that the UTes weren't pulling this stunt because they were afraid that Wyoming was going to make a 44pt comeback. But what really got me about this is that the Wyoming players got all riled up about it because they felt they were being shown up. Here's a word to the wise here fellas, when your coach guarantees that his team is going to go to someone else's stadium and beat that team, that team pretty much gets a blank check to do whatever the hell it wants to on that field. That includes keeping its starters in the entire game and kicking the shit out of your walk-ons to running up the score to having sex with your girlfriends on the field. ANYTHING is fair game. I know the players didn't act like assholes but if you're gonna be mad at anyone, get mad at your coach.

Oh, almost forgot. Glenn also sparked a little controversy for this move caught on tape after the onside kick attempt (Glenn seems like a real stable dude):