Friday, November 30, 2007

Hobos Of Jamaica Are Not Fans Of Eli Manning

How bad are things for Eli? He's even lost the faith of the hobos.

If I were you, I wouldn't go hanging around the 169th and Hillside Ave subway station in Jamaica, NY anytime past 10pm (or Noon for that matter). It's not.... what's the word.... it's not.... well, safe. It's not safe. At all. Unfortunately, my circumstances require me to hang around this area after 10pm about 4 times a week. I'd have to say that it is not my favorite part of my tertiary education experience. When I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting for Hobo McStabby and Joey AIDS Face to shove me onto the tracks or jam something up my urethra (not that I'm ever taking my piece out around there), I'm dodging the rats that roam the platform like fucking free range chickens. Again, not my favorite half hour of my day.

Now normally the drunken hobos and mole people who inhabit the station stay to themselves and though I am always VERY aware of my surroundings and have one eye over my shoulder waiting for Stumbly McStinkeye to defecate on me, I rarely get harassed. That was until Tuesday evening.

On Tuesday, I had a newspaper with me and it must've been opened to an article about Eli Manning or there must've been a picture of Manning displayed to the outside because as I descended the stairs I heard two guys start to yell at me. Being the naturalized New Yorker that I am, I didn't flinch and kept on my way. The guys continued to yell and though I had trouble interpreting their husky malted drawl, this is what I think I heard:
Hobo1: Eliiiiii. You like Eliiiiiiiiiiiii?
Hobo2: The J-eyes suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Hobo1: Doan...doan, doan bring Eliiii here.... Eliiiiii suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. They all suck.
That last part was really the only thing I heard clearly as they were pretty close to me when that was said. After that, whatever else they were talking about must've been in hobo code because I couldn't make any of it out. The best part was when they later got on the same subway car and proceeded to have a conversation while sitting at opposite ends of the car. Always a good time.

Anyhoo, more than anything I just wanted to get this info out there for Eli's benefit in case he had any inclination to head out to Jamaica to hang out. If so, Elisha, take the bus.

No comments: