Matsui Marries Woman To Win $2000

Is it me or does this sketch look like every alien sketch ever made except this one has a wig on?
So what might you ask is the Yanks' Hideki Matsui doing holding a sketch of an Asian woman in front of reporters? Well, this sketch happens to be Matsui's artistic impression of his new bride. And while this picture alone would be worthy of a post because it is so ridiculous, we then learn that Matsui made a Seinfeldian wager with Jeter and Abreu over who would be the first to be married:

At the beginning of spring training, Matsui heard of Bobby Abreu and Jeter having a bet in which the first one to get married would owe money to the other. Since Abreu has a girlfriend, his time frame was six months. With no steady girl, Jeter was given a year.

Matsui asked into the action and was accepted into the Bachelor Derby by Abreu and Jeter. Now, according to Abreu, he and Jeter are out $1,000 by the shrewd Matsui.

"How do you say sneaky in Japanese?" said a stunned Jeter, who thought reporters were joking when they told him Matsui got married Wednesday. "If he wanted the money all he had to do was ask..."

To answer Jeter's first question (according to Babel Fish), I think it is pronounced "卑劣," idiot.

The wager itself was absurd. Abreu gave himself 6 months to get married? 6 months from the beginning of Spring Training is August, and between now and then there is baseball non-stop. Is he retarded? Not to mention how pysched the bride-to-be must be that they were making these wagers in the first place (not that any chick is going to get pissed at Derek Jeter for being the subject of a wedding wager). But lest you think these guys are throwing all the romance out the window here, you haven't heard the warm and thoughtful words Matsui mustered from the bottom of his heart to describe the love of his life:

"The bride is a 25-year-old civilian and had been formerly working in a reputable position at a highly respected company," Matsui said.

That is panty soaking material.