Monday, June 4, 2007

Tim McCarver - Groin Specialist

When word of history's most predictable groin injury outside of an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos trickled into the broadcast booth at around the 3rd inning mark of Saturday's Yanks - Sox game, the funniest part wasn't that the signing of the 45 year-old second coming looks like it's going to end worse than the Hindenburg or that Suzy Waldman had to be given the Heimlich Manuever after she choked on her tongue upon hearing the news or that Clemens lost $1.8 million for being old or even that on his ESPN Radio show on Friday, Michael Kay gave away flight, hotel and airfare to a radio listener to watch the first Clemens start in Chicago tonight (though that is really really funny), it was Tim McCarver's almost 2 inning rant about the description of Clemens's injury. Clemens is not pitching tonight because of a "fatigued groin." Upon hearing this news, McCarver, in his downhome Tennessee twang, uttered the phrase "fatigued groin" upwards of 30 times over the next 25 minutes. It was outstanding. He was just blown away by the concept of a fatigued groin, and not in the way an 11 year-old would be (or a 29 year-old with the maturity level of an 11 year-old). The only thing funnier than listening to McCarver discuss the "fatigued groin" injury without having any concept of the subtle comedy that a phrase such as that presents would have been to be inside Joe Buck's head as McCarver said it. During this half hour discussion, Buck didn't add ANYTHING. He just sat there and called the game. The reason for the silence, I'm sure, is that unless you are Tim McCarver and can't see the endless possibilities that such a phrase presents, the discussion of such a groin injury on national television is very dangerous. He must've wanted to make so many comments (comments that I'm sure were made in bars across America). Instead, Buck had to listen to McCarver wax: "...a fatigued groin? What in the wooooooorld is a 'fatigued groin.' How does one's groin.... get fatigued? I've seen a 'pulled groin,' and a 'sore groin,' but fatigued? I've never heard of such a thing in all my life...." without being able to reply, "Well, Tim, you've obviously never spent a weekend in Reno with a bag of fun and the 'E' section of the yellow pages...."

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