It's Time To Move Wimbledon

According to weather.com, Wimbledon, UK, averages 1.80 inches of rain in the month of July. These two would beg to differ*.
As much as I enjoy watching replays of last year's Wimbledon Tennis Tournament while waiting to watch Federer play at 7am or waiting 3 hours between points for Nicole Vaidisova to upset Mr. Amelie Mauresmo and her penis, I'd like the tournament to be a little more cohesive. By that I mean I'd like for it not to rain every FUCKING TEN MINUTES!

To be honest, I don't particularly care about Wimbledon anymore. I used to be a pretty serious tennis fan when the field was filled with good players like Becker, Lendl and Chang. Today, other than watching Federer, I find tennis to be largely unwatchable. Even the girls draw doesn't really do it for me. Yeah, Sharapova's pretty good looking in a spindly eastern european kind of way, but the way she whines like a little bitch the entire match is not exactly the most attractive thing I've ever seen. I wish someone would just crush a ball and hit her right in the frickin throat, forcing her to make commercials for cigarettes like that freaky Mexican dude. But enough about that. Because it is such an event, I find myself drawn to it in the same way I watch the Indy 500. It's one of those "must see" events and if you like sports, you watch it. So my biggest gripe about the event is that you can't just "watch it" because the weather in Wimbledon is fucking horrendous. A good day in Wimbledon in July is 59 degrees with a light drizzle. Why do they insist on playing the marquee event for the sport in such a shitty location? Why not move it to someplace where it is temperate and never rains in July? Ironically, that place is Seattle, Wa.

Unlike the other 11 months of the year, it NEVER rains in Seattle in the month of July. In fact, it's one of the most beautiful places in the world for that month. Clear skies, green grass, snow-capped mountains in the distance and lacking any premiere sporting event to give it competition. Look at the fricking 10 day forecast for Seattle. Seattle is just itching for a Mega-Event like Wimbledon. Though you may have to move it to a Seattle suburb like Mercer Island, Bellevue or even Newcastle (that would be ironic) in order to keep the same "Wimbledon-suburban" feel. It only makes sense to hold your premiere sporting event at a time and place that would be blessed with great weather. All the other sports do this. They put their events in places with good weather. The PGA follows the good weather across the country. The tournament formerly known as the Greater Hartford Open isn't played in Connecticut in March, April or October, it's played in June. They don't hold events in Phoenix during monsoon season, they play there in March and February. The problem with London and Wimbledon is that it rains there all the time. That place has the worst weather in the world. Late June/Early July is their driest time, AND IT STILL RAINS EVERYDAY. I'm all about tradition and charm and all that crap. But it's time to give up on Wimbledon. This rain is bringing me down. We need to move it to a place where the fans will enjoy watching both at the event and on TV. And it's 80 degrees and sunny on top of the Space Needle right now.

*Picture may not actually be from Wimbledon