Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Potential Questions For The El Guapo Chat Wednesday

"Guapo, assume there is a room with three light bulbs in it. Outside the room is a light switch with 3 switches on it labeled A, B, and C. Once you enter the room, you will no longer be able to access the switches. How can you, upon entering the room, tell me which of the three switches controls each of the light bulbs? And no, you are not allowed to eat the lightbulbs."

El Guapo will be doing an online chat with fans this Wednesday at noon in advance of the "EL Guapo Experience" contest. Guapo, whose team will actually be playing during the chat, will be seated in the bullpen with a laptop for the chat and could potentially be called away to pitch at any moment. I'm not sure if this sudden exposure for Rich Garces is intended as a marketing ploy to test his appeal for potential as a reality star or something, but regardless this chat has potential for fantastic comedy. In advance of the chat, I've come up with a few questions I'd like to ask him:

"Guapo, have you ever confused the baseball with an apple puff pastry that was drizzled in powdered sugar?"

"Guapo, when you toss the rosen bag on the mound, does it make you hungry?"

"Guapo, were you upset that you weren't on the 2004 Red Sox team because it didn't allow you the opportunity to eat that little midget that Pedro used to hang out with?"

"Guapo, is this chat making you hungry?"

"Guapo, why is it that fat people find other fat people attractive? Is it out of necessity or do you feel there's some kind of change in brain chemistry that causes some weird endorphine rush anytime a fat person sees another fatty? For instance, does a picture of Kirstie Alley circa 2003 make you hard?"

"Guapo, are you one of those "funny fat guys" or those angry "I have a glandular problem" fat guys who deny responsibility for being fat?"

This could go on forever but needless to say the potential is there for a chat for the ages. I can only imagine what the Guapster has to say for himself. As I recall, he was not exactly a wizard with the english language. I don't really care how clear his answers are or how the language barrier obscures what it is I want to tell him, I'm just glad that his question will finally be answered:

"Guapo, when squeezed, do you respond with a high-pitched giggle?"