A Slow Clap For Christopher Carter

When Stu Sugarman acted like an asshole in an Equinox spin class, Christopher Carter did what many of us want to do but have the common sense not to: he beat the shit out of him.
Have you ever wanted to just jack the guy on the leg press who screams at the top of his lungs or the asshole next to you on the treadmill who plays the fucking air drums while he runs or the idiot whose pre-lift routine consists of 7 minutes of heavy breathing followed by one rep of 200lbs on the bench and another 3 minutes of parading around the gym pretending not to stare at himself in the mirror? Yes, you have. Well, I present your hero: Christopher Carter (not the former Vike's wide receiver). It seems Carter just couldn't take anymore of Stuart Sugarman's obnoxious antics in spin class anymore and after asking him to shut up, he snapped:

August 25, 2007 -- Stuart Sugarman loved to cheer himself on and grunt in spin class — but now the hedge-fund manager is paying dearly for his vociferous workout.

....He grunted a lot, admittedly. He war-whooped. He hollered, "Great song!" and "You go, girl," and he probably was the noisiest guy in the spin class.

Ten days ago, Sugarman was sitting on his exercise bike at the Equinox on East 85th Street. The spin instructor was exhorting, the music was blasting, and Sugarman was shouting and rigorously pedaling away.

First, the furious broker (Christopher Carter) demanded the hedge-fund manager please stop making so much noise. "Then it escalates to 'Shut up!' and "Shut the f--- up!"

The broker complained to the instructor, who "basically shrugs," Davis (Sugarman's lawyer) said.

The broker then allegedly issued the final ultimatum - "If you don't shut the f--- up, I'm getting off my bike." The hedge-fund manager said: "Stop being a baby."

Finally, the ballistic broker dismounts and "charges my client's bike like Leonard Marshall of the New York Giants hitting a practice sled," Davis said.

The broker tipped the hedge-fund manager and his bike into the wall, smashing a hole in the sheetrock, Davis said. "Then he smashes him back onto the ground, with the bike falling on top of him."

Apparently, Sugarman required surgery after the incident and appears in today's NY Post wearing one of those ridiculous neck braces (no offense intended to those who have required this apparatus for treatment of actual injuries). Predictably, Sugarman filed suit against Carter. Carter's attorney is not intimidated:

Carter's lawyer, Dan Ollen, called Sugarman "a piece of work."

"The first thing he does after the incident is hop on his bike and work out another 40 minutes," he said. "The second thing he does is hire a personal-injury lawyer and the third thing he does is alert the media."

That seems about right. According to Sugarman's lawyer, "My client was in what's called 'the zone[.]'" Apparently this "zone" requires that you act like an asshole. I think Chris Carter was in the zone too. If there were more people in the "Chris Carter zone" when fucknuts like Stu Sugarman get into their "zones," the world would be a better place.