Why Isn't Barry Bonds On The Angels?

Cripes, even high school Barry would be an upgrade to the current Angels lineup.
The Mariners got Erik Bedard, the Rangers young team is a year older and their pitching depth is outstanding and the A's always seem to put together a competitive team. So how did the deep pocketed Anaheim Angels keep up this offseason? They picked up the 32 year-old Torii Hunter and journeyman Jon Garland. Whooopfuckineee. Take a look at their projected lineup:

Figgins (S)
Kendrick (R)
Guerrero (R)
Hunter (R)
Anderson (L) or Matthews (S)
Juan Rivera (R)
Kotchman (L)
Aybar (S)
Napoli (R)

Do you notice anything missing? I mean, yeah Torii Hunter provides some protection to Vlad. Or at least more protection than Garret Anderson would when healthy, but where is the lefty threat? Kotchman can't hit for shit (19HRs in 764 ABs) and none of their switch hitters have any real power. Right now Juan Rivera is filling the DH position and while he does have decent power, that lineup looks a little different with Barry Lamar Bonds in the 3 hole.

Figgins (S)
Kendrick (R)
Bonds (L)
Guerrero (R)
Hunter (R)
Anderson (L) or Matthews (S)
Kotchman (L)
Aybar (S)
Napoli (R)

Bonds-Guerrero-Hunter? Now THAT is a middle of the lineup you can be proud of. You put a guy in front of Guerrero who gets on base over 50% of the time. You have speed on the bases in front of Bonds and protection behind him. When Chone Figgins used to get on base, he'd get moved over by Kendrick, Guerrero would be pitched around and you'd hope some limp dick like Anderson or Rivera wouldn't strike out. Now, you move Figgins to second and you can't pitch around Bonds because you've got 1st and 2nd with one out and the free swinging Guerrero on deck. With Bonds you extend the game because the other team can't throw their righty straight through the middle of the lineup. With Bonds as the DH you can almost he would project to hit double the combined projected HRs of all other lefties in that lineup and increase the total home runs the Angels hit by about 15-20%. It allows you so much more flexibility with your bench because you can pinch Rivera at almost anywhere in the lineup and have the best bench in the league with the likes of Matthews/Anderson, Kendry Morales and Maicer Izturis, not to mention Reggie Willits waiting in the wings for some speed.

Now clearly I'm skimming over the elephant in the room about the moral flexibility that a team must have in order to put a Bonds on their team, but this is a team currently featuring Mitchell Report All-Star Gary Matthews, Jr. and Paul Byrd, Troy Glaus and Brendan Donnelly were all Angels when they were documented to having been involved in PEDs. So the Angels clearly can't stand on too high a moral highground. The bottom line here is that the division is much better, the American League is much better and the Angels are not yet much better. They could be. In fact, they could be the team to beat in the AL West. All they need is some lefty meat in that lineup. And he and his 12 ring circus are just up the street.