We Finally Know What School "The Program" Was Based On: Hawaii

Beautfiul weather, groupies, weed, roids and people doing your homework for you, ummmm, why didn't I go to U of Hawaii again?
If you thought playing football at the University of Hawaii was basically a four year vacation for fringe Division I athletes, you were correct. Only picture this vacation complete with Vegas' hookers, Jamaica's weed, Mexico's steroids all while carrying a get out of jail free card in case anything else should go wrong. Now that sounds pretty sweet. And according to ex-Rainbow Ian Sample, that's pretty much what it's like to play at U of H:

Ian Sample, who recently published a book chronicling the 2006 season entitled, "Once A Warrior," released unpublished material on his blog about excessive drinking, widespread use of marijuana, sex with groupies and rigged drug tests.

Sample, who now plays professional football in Japan, wrote that he's "convinced the 'random' tests are not random at all."

"The higher ups definitely know what they are doing when they decide who will be tested," he wrote. "However, getting tested doesn't necessarily mean getting caught, every once in a while a player will side-step a positive test result by flushing out their system [the real smokers know where to go to get a cleansing elixir]."

"The players that are selected to go [urinate] in a cup are the ones less valuable and the ones that have become a nuisance to coaches or the team," he wrote.

Sample wrote that marijuana was the drug of choice for the Warriors, but said he believed some players used steroids.

"Have people on the team taken steroids? Yes, they have," he wrote. "Sometimes it's obvious, you see someone improve over a couple months by leaps and bounds -- we all know it's naturally impossible. I think it's known but not really talked about."

Sample said he has never known anyone caught taking steroids, but has known several players caught with marijuana in their system.

Sample also claimed that people on and off the team would do schoolwork for money.

"If the money is right, and it always is, they will 'help' us write papers; anything from simple response papers to 20-page research papers," Sample wrote. "Their 'help' is unlimited and completely unassisted."

He said the entire team knows about the services.

"The best part is that some of the coaches know all about it," he wrote. "I've even heard coaches openly applaud their work."

As for the boozing, Sample acknowledged times when he attended practices feeling drunk, along with other players who would drink on a regular basis.

I hear that noise, Ian. But you played for Hawaii, so who the fuck gives a shit. You guys would probably be better served playing drunk because you're such a suckshit program. But here is my favorite part. Sample next writes about these "wild groupies" on campus. But the craziest story he could think of sounds like the lamest thing I've ever heard:

Sample wrote about wild groupies, including one female who wanted him to wear his uniform during sex. He said groupies were readily available, including on campus.

GET OUT OF HERE DUDE! She wanted to do WHAT? Wear your jersey? That girl has problems. That's so fucked up I'm not sure the Urban Dictionary would be willing to list such an act. If that is the craziest groupie sex act you've been a part of, then you are a pussy. Plain and simple. In fact, don't go calling something "wild groupie" sex unless you ended up tied to something, videotaped, involved with multiple parties or animals, or the sex you had somehow involved feces. You had regular sex, not wild groupie sex, asshole.