Monday, March 26, 2007

You stay classy, San Diego

The Chicken has competition in the zany comedic escapades department. Giles and Maddux are a regular Laurel & Hardy, or Slovin and Allen.

The Major League Baseball clubhouse has historically been a hotbed of mediocre prankdom. It is, if not the birthplace, certainly the most frequented stage for such pranks as the shaving cream pie in the face, the hotfoot, the "gum on my pants" and the ol' "appearance in gay porn" (Ha! Always a gas that last one). Not content to light a teammate's feet on fire or simply take their gum colored balls out of the pants, Greg Maddux and Brian Giles are kicking it up a notch. The die was cast when Jerry Crasnick of reported Greg Maddux's veteran prank in the shower:
Maddux is a master of strategically timed nose picking, sidling up to an unsuspecting rookie in the shower and urinating on the kid's leg....
Not to be outdone (ballplayer nor writer), Tom Krasovic of the San Diego Union Tribune reported (and Buster Olney blogged about) Brian Giles unique brand of comedic hijinks:
“Hey Greg, I've got one for you,” Brian Giles said to new Padres teammate Greg Maddux last month.
“Why was the mathematics book depressed?” Giles said.
After the 333-game winner pondered the question for a few seconds, Giles slowly delivered the punch line.
“Because it had a lot of problems inside.”

Giles laughed as if he were the second coming of Robin Williams, slapped Maddux in the left arm and walked away. Maddux, appearing perplexed, resumed answering questions from a reporter.
Giles returned a few second later, speaking slowly, like an athlete who took too many shots to the helmet. He stared into Maddux's bemused face.
“Greg, here's another one. What kind of waves are the really small ones in the ocean?”

“Micro waves.”

Giles giggled and walked back to his dressing stall. A trace of a grin appeared on Maddux's face. Then Maddux resumed the interview.
Giles returned in about 30 seconds – naked – and said, “Greg, what kind of language does a porcupine use?
“Spine language.”

Maddux belly-laughed. Giles roared and, now content, the right fielder made a triumphant return to his clubhouse stall. “I guess it's funnier when he tells the joke without wearing any clothes,” Maddux said.
“Guys do a good job of checking their egos when they walk through the doorway here,” said closer Trevor Hoffman. “A guy like Brian keeps people loose.”
Loose indeed, Trev. I have to admit, I had to read this about 10 times before I really got what was supposed to be so funny about this. And I'm not entirely sure I still get it. But that's not important. What's more important is that the Pads, and the writers who cover them, seem to have an open door policy about the high comedy usually reserved solely for the eyes of clubhouse attendants and the donut eaters who cover the team. I'm not saying that I expect too many more stories about Padres related clubhouse pranks to surface after the actual games begin. I'm merely pointing out that that it's not even April and we've already gotten a pee story and a nude knock knock joke story, and David Wells hasn't really gotten involved yet. Maybe this is where it ends, but man does this have potential.

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