Thursday, June 21, 2007

Where Were These Government Officials When The Mapp Brothers Were Born

Even before UVA's Majestic Mapp suffered a series of knee injuries, he didn't really stand a chance.

I once went to a basketball camp with a kid named Richard Upright and the experience left me wondering, what in the hell were his parents thinking? Were they just mean spirited people who wanted a lifetime of pain for their child? As I grew older, Richard Upright seemed tame when held in comparison to the Zappa kids (Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan & Diva Magika), Rusty Kuntz, Dick Trickle, Dick Pole, Exree Hipp, Jhonny Peralta, Wily Mo Pena, Dwyane Wade and kids named Beautiphul, Uneek, GQ, Apple, Knight Sir Lancelot, along with my personal favorite, The Mapp Brothers: Scientific and Majestic. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the blame for these atrocities should be shared. The hospital or government officials should accept some responsibility for cleaning this up and not letting certain things slide. Well, finally someone stepped in and did something about it. In New Zealand, when two idiots tried to name their kid "4Real," the government said, No Thank You:
Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. "With this name, everyone knows what it means."
While I do think the New Zealand government did the right thing here, I can see where the Wheatons were coming from. Most names are usually the result of some reference to arcane biblical figures or relatives. That kind of meaning is far less visceral than naming your child after your reaction to a sonogram. I would only have one gripe with this. If the name was meant to reflect the feeling the parents had at the time of the ultrasound, shouldn't the name include a question mark?

Doctor: "Mr. & Mrs. Wheaton, the ultrasound shows that Mrs. Wheaton is pregnant."
Wheatons: "4-Real?"

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