Thursday, May 24, 2007

Knicks Roster Plan Exposed

I can't believe it's taken me so long to figure this out. I almost feel dumber than Isiah... almost.

If ever there was a moment when I realized that I had lost all feelings whatsoever for the NBA, it was last night during the Cavs - Pistons game when I switched to the Food Network during the waining moments so I could catch how the judges felt about Morimoto's pepper dishes. And when I later found out that the game was over and it was close and i had missed it, I felt happy that I had seen Morimoto's weird Chili Pepper Tempura. THE SHIT WAS STILL MOVING AFTER HE COOKED IT! IT LOOKED ALIVE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE (it was not)! I have no idea how he did that. Despite this indifference to the NBA product, I still have a rooting interest in the NBA and thus pay it some mind. That rooting interest is the New York Knicks. I hate them and I love hating them. I mostly hate Isiah, but the Knicks in general are just an unlikable bunch. The most frequent criticism of the team is that their leadership--mostly Isiah--has no direction or master plan. Well, I'm here to tell you that those critics are wrong. Dead wrong. Today, after reading an "rumor" about the Knicks plans for Vince Carter this offseason, I have officially cracked the code of Isiah Thomas. Here is what was written, see if you can figure it out:
Despite Vince Carter's disappointing postseason, the Knicks still have interest in pursuing the Nets high-flyer if he becomes a free agent July 1, a source close to Isiah Thomas told the New York Post.
Do you see it? I mean, it's right there in front of you. Think about every personnel move Isiah has ever made. Then look at the first sentence of the blockquote above. Now plug a player where Vince Carter's name is and then finish the sentence anyway you wish. You see it now. Here are a few:

Stephon Marbury
Despite being a noted coach killer and me first point guard whose teams have improved after leaving them, Isiah Thomas desperately wants to add Stephon Marbury to the Knicks.

Renaldo Balkman
Despite Renaldo's limited athleticism and the fact that no one else intended to draft him, Isiah Thomas took Renaldo Balkman with his first selection in the 2006 NBA draft.

Stevie Franchise
Despite the Knicks crowded backcourt and the fact that there is no way in hell that Marbury and Francis can coexist, Isiah Thomas traded his biggest chip (Hardaway's expiring contract) for Francis's bloated contract.

Jerome James
Despite being a horrendous basketball player, Jerome James was signed by Isiah Thomas.

Do you see the pattern? It's frigging Genius. Isiah, I will never criticize you again. Your plan will offer slapstick comedy for years to come. Thank you good sir.

1 comment:

Bernard King said...

“If all I'm remembered for is being a good basketball player, then I've done a bad job with the rest of my life.” - Isiah Thomas (google it if you don't believe me)