Phil Garner Is Developing The Story Line For A "Weekend At Bernie's 3"

Phil Garner's mustache, voodoo, a dead franchise coming back to life... somewhere Jonathan Silverman's ears are burning.
The Astro's are desperate for some positive momentum as this season slides completely out of control and Phil Garner has just the recipe for success: Voodoo:

Garner is determined to put a hex on the Cubs ace before the Astros have to face him again. How is he going to do this? Voodoo, of course.

"I am not embarrassed at all to elicit the help of a voodoo lady," Garner said.

Garner made it clear his intent is not to injure Zambrano. He just wants to get in his head a little, with hopes of rattling the right-hander so that he can't hurt the Astros as much as he has in his previous outings.

"The objective is to so psych him out that he can't pitch good against us," Garner said. "I don't want him to be injured. I want him to be psyched out so he can't throw the ball over the plate and he can't get base hits off of us."

So let me get this straight, in order to revive his dying team Phil Garner (and his mustache) wants to use Voodoo against a rival team's toughest opposing pitcher. All we need are a couple of Hawaiian shirts, some cheesy caribbean music, a couple of B actors and we've got ourselves the third installment of the Weekend At Bernie's franchise.