Sweet. My Alma Mater Is Now Populated By Weirdos

I think Deadspin beat me to the punch with this but I'm running with it anyway. The crack down on drinking at my alma mater (Bucknell University) is having some bizarre and unsettling unintended consequences. When I went to Bucknell, we used to drink in our spare time (yes, we were awesome, brah). The only thing creative we ever did was create a turtleneck and sportcoat themed party (I still contend that we were the first people ever to come up with this concept). But after I graduated, word came that Bucknell was going to buy up off-campus property and essentially end off-campus living and heavily regulate (read: eliminate) alcohol usage on campus. Basically, the good times were over and people were going to have to find things to do that didn't involve alcohol. Which in central PA is quite a challenge. Well, here's something that may make them want to reconsider that drinking policy. A couple of Bucknell boners have decided to put away their Magic cards and create a club wherein the members pretend to play a fictional game from the Harry Potter series:

Stephen Dewey knows he lacks the magic to play Quidditch quite like they do in the Harry Potter novels but he does all he can to create an authentic experience for fans of the teenage wizard.

Dewey, a student at Bucknell University in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania, organizes the campus Quidditch club of about 40 Potter devotees imitating the aerial game of the book series.

"I wanted to emulate the magical nature you find in Harry Potter books," said Dewey, 20, a student of music and education. But he admits he has to make concessions to reality. "A lot of that you can't really replicate exactly because we are not witches and wizards."

Dewey described the sport as "mildly full-contact" and said it requires some athletic ability, particularly for seekers, who are typically cross-country runners. It appeals equally to men and women, he said.

Players have worn outlandish garb including swimming goggles and capes made out of shower curtains and bed sheets.

Dewey said he's received "some puzzled looks" when recruiting but that even the skeptics want to know more. He suspects they are secretly Harry Potter fans.

Wow. Just wow. If dorks were graded on a scale of 1 to dork, Dewey would break the scale. I have so many questions that I cannot possibly list them but one would be how in the world he was able to find 40 other fucking retreads to join him in this. What has happened to fair BU? This is disgusting. But I do have to admit that there is one part of this story that makes me smile. In describing the appeal of the game, Dewey says

"Running around on brooms does appeal to a surprising number of college students."

True, but probably not as much as the appeal of clotheslining those same college students while they are running around like assholes with brooms between their legs. Maybe I will get back to BU for homecoming this year. It's been awhile since I punched a kid in a wizard outfit.