Friday, September 21, 2007

Don't Tell Berman But ESPN College Gameday In Austin Will Feature Singing Boobs

Remember this guy? That was a low point in American consumerism, eh?

ESPN Radio 1530am in Austin is my webcast of choice during the day here in NYC. The reason I am forced to listen to the webcast is because Cowherd's syndicated broadcast is not on in NYC as they've made the poor choice of going with annoying NY homer, Max Kellerman. As ridiculous as Cowherd can sometimes be, he is far superior to the audio feces that is Max Kellerman from 10am-1pm. I actually love listening to Austin's broadcast. They have great commercials about strip clubs and sports bars and strip clubs that double as sports bars and nude cruises and all sorts of perversity. They're much more interesting than NY's eye surgery commercials. Anyhoo, Austin's radio station hosts an "ESPN College Gameday Tailgate Party" for U of Texas home games and get local radio personalities and cheerleaders and whatnot to come down for the celebration. Well this week with Rice in town, they have a new attendee for their tailgate: Jingle Jugs. Jingle Jugs will be stopping by the ESPN Austin Tailgate party as part of their "Jugs Across America" tour. What are Jingle Jugs you ask? They are a set of boobs you can mount on your wall that will play a pre-recorded message of your voice either via motion detection or by pressing a button:
Fashioned after a lifelike set of women’s breasts, Jingle Jugs for Life, when activated, begin to move in rhythmic motion to a prerecorded breast cancer message or your own re-recordable favorite song or message. Jingle Jugs are the perfect gag gift. They’re a must in the game room or in the bar, put ‘em in your home office or garage and liven up your workplace. Put a new top on ‘em to match the season. Mount ‘em next to your trophies in the game room – after all, it’s the Trophy Rack You’ve Always Wanted!
Yeeeeeee haw! "Liven up your office?" Is that what they call "Get yourself fired and halled to court to defend a sexual harassment suit" in Texas? That would certainly be "lively."

The proceeds of the Jingle Jugs sales will be used for Breast Cancer awareness, so if you can get beyond the absurdity of hanging a set of tits on your wall, it's very good cause. And if you're wondering how they came up with such an idea, well, here you go:
The idea for Jingle Jugs came upon one of the founders, Dave Miller, one evening as he was viewing the Billy the Bass singing fish for the umpteenth time. If people were willing to buy a singing fish, he figured, then they certainly would be willing to buy singing boobs. Numerous trips later to China and the product was ready.
Well duh. The equation just adds right up:

Annoying singing bass ---> boobs ---> singing boobs ---> China ---> Jingle Jugs. Of course!

I wish these guys the best of luck and expect that the next sexual harassment suit at ESPN will have something to do with Chris Berman's office, an inappropriate comment and some wall-mounted boobs.

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