MEMO TO MEDIA: PAUL BYRD WAS NOT THAT GOOD LAST NIGHT

If you believe Joe Buck (and every other asshole talking about last night's game), Paul Byrd pitched seven perfect games, saved a puppy from a burning tree then impregnated every female in 440 area code with his pitching performance last night.
I like Paul Byrd. I have a soft-spot for craftiness and Paul Byrd is nothing if not crafty. Were he not pitching against my favorite team, I'd pull for him. In this day and age of 99mph cheese with no rhyme or reason and 96mph sinking fastballs thrown over the middle of the plate 80 times in a row, it's nice to see a guy who still "knows how to pitch" have success. He's old school. So I guess the old balls in the media should be forgiven for heaping praise on an "old balls" pitcher who reminds them of the pitchers they used to cheer for. But I DO NOT forgive them. Not one bit.

One more out. (This is the Stephen A. Smith portion of the post). PAUL BYRD GOT ONE MORE OUT THAN TIM WAKEFIELD. HE HAD TO BE PULLED FROM A GAME IN THE 6TH INNING WHILE UP 5 RUNS AND HAVING THROWN 73 PITCHES AFTER BACK-TO-BACK HOME RUNS AND HAVING GOTTEN NO ONE OUT IN THAT INNING. BYRD GAVE UP ONE MORE HIT THAN WAKEFIELD. WAKEFIELD GAVE UP ONE MORE RUN (Delcarmen gave up the big hit to score the two guys Wakefield was responsible for). PAUL BYRD COULDN'T BE TRUSTED WITH A FUCKING 5 RUN LEAD! In what world is being pulled from a 5 run lead in the 6th after giving up back-to-back home runs a great outing?

I was listening to the game from my kitchen while making a bitchin (you heard it) egg white omelette with turkey, cheddar, peppers, onions and some Frank's Red Hot (my zipper was crusty after finishing off that delicious fucker) and in the third inning I could have sworn I heard a gargling noise coming from Joe Buck's throat in regards to Paul Byrd's outing. He was talking as if Paul Byrd was making the Sox look stupid with bats flying into the stands and heads shaking (and on a similar note, the old "double wind-up" doesn't fool anybody. Guys were 1 for 3 against that "move" and that one hit was JD Drew. If you can't fool JD Drew, your "move" is not effective). When I looked at the screen there were guys on 1st and 2nd and 2 outs. Yes he got out of it, but what is so fucking great about that? What the fuck game was he watching? TIM WAKEFIELD HAD PITCHED HIS FIRST THREE INNINGS GIVING UP NO FUCKING HITS! Wakefield struck out 5 of his first 9 batters! HE was dominating. The reason the Indians won that game had NOTHING TO DO WITH PAUL FUCKING BYRD. Byrd's outing was the fourth best pitching performance of last night behind Betancourt (the likely MVP of the series), Lester (who was fucking oustanding) and Wakefield (the normally reliable Delcarmen fucked him).

I don't want to take away ANYTHING from the Indians. They deserved to win and they pitched better. But Paul Byrd's pitching performance was one of the fartherst things from "great" I have ever seen. His performance was fine. But dominant? HOLY FUCKING SHIT! HE WAS SO SHAKY HE GOT PULLED FROM THE FUCKING GAME WITH A 5 RUN LEAD! If that's all a pitcher has to do have a "great outing" by the media's standards, then I might start warming the old pea shooter because I could be effective in this league.

This series is going to send me to an early grave...