Monday, October 15, 2007

My Trip To The Morgue

At the end of the third quarter at the Jets game yesterday, the Meadowlands was about half this full.

Let me set the scene: Eagles are up 13-6 with 6 and a half minutes left in the third quarter and the Jets are driving at about midfield. It's third and 3 and the Jets look as though they have a little momentum. Chad barks out the signals, drops back and throws the most predictable interception I have ever seen down the Jets sideline. The ball hung in the air for approximately 12 minutes and Sheldon Brown lept about 4 inches off the ground in order to corral the fluttering duck that was so under thrown that both Brown and Cotchery had to stop in their tracks and come back to have a shot at it, and Cotchery was running a deep go on the sideline! Before the ball was even caught, the season ticketholders next to me got up and began making their way towards the door. And after it was announced an INT, they weren't alone. With 6 minutes left in the third quarter of a 7 point game, AT LEAST 10-15,000 Jets fans exited the building. And before that, it wasn't like they were shaking the building with their enthusiams.

The Meadowlands crowd was dead from the opening whistle on. The most exciting thing that happened during the entire game was when the horrible looking hungover chick sitting about 4 seats away from us started vomitting all over the place in her seat. Slight tangent here but this girl would've been one of the top 3 most unattractive people I have ever seen in person had she been in good spirits and all dolled up. I'm not saying it would've been cool for a hot girl to vomit all over the place but this girl was simply the most awful human being I have ever seen in any capacity ever. The next time I'm hungover and I'm trying to get myself to vomit, I will envision this chick dressed nicely and having lost 50lbs. If I were to think of her in her natural state, I fear I might die. God that girl was ugly. I mean the type of ugly you can smell on your skin when you get home. "What is that smell? Is that... (sniff)... ugly? Jesus I can't get it off!" She looked like someone dumped a 300lb pile of bat shit in a 200lb clear plastic bag, put a greasy blond wig on it, covered it in acne, threw on a sweatshirt and too tight jeans and then punched it in the head for about 7 hours and dropped it in row 40 of section 105 at the Meadowlands. She didn't have a muffin top, she could make a whole fucking bunt cake with the leftover muffin batter from her ample waist. It was like someone poured muffing batter in a thimble and the rest just spilled all over the place, except instead of muffin batter someone used acne ridden cellulite. What a fat ugly disgusting piece of shit. She was disgusting looking prior to vomitting bacon grease all over the place in the first quarter. Her shadow could make people ill. Fat fucking pig. And I have nothing against people vomitting (or fat people for that matter). It's just that this girl was so gross. Her friends had to stop her from chewing on the arm of the guy mopping up her spewed lard. She thought it was a pork rind or something. I was not fond of that girl. Ok, back to the Jets... The only reason most of them were there was because they paid for the tickets (several fans told us so). The Jets fans have given up. And I don't blame them.

To watch the New York Jets play football is fucking painful. They plod and dowdle down the field like an old woman descending stairs. And the fans feel the same anxiety they would were they to watch that old woman take on a stair well. It is excrutiating to watch. With each deliberate step you are closer and closer to ankle buckling and a hip breaking. I'd bleed to death via a thousand paper cuts before I'd sign up to be a Jets fan.

When you watch the Jets you know they aren't going to do anything to blow your doors off and that kinda ruins a big part of the game. Half the excitement of a football game is "the big play." Whether it be a long run, big turnover or deep pass. And with the Jets the chances that a play like that is going to happen is very limited. Mainly because they can't throw the ball deep. Sure the Jets can win games without the deep pass as part of your game plan. They did it last year. But from a fan's perspective (and I am no fan of the Jets), you would rather see your team take a shot and miss than take no shot at all. The Jets NEVER take a shot. They can't. Their most explosive runner (Leon Washington) can't pass block, so he sits half the time and their big play wide receivers (the Jets employ 3 of them) are not respected more than 7 strides down the field. The fans were calling out the plays. The Jets were running the ball down a touchdown with under four minutes in their own end AND GETTING STUFFED! Even the Eagles knew they were gonna run it in situations where it's a bad idea to run. But it was really the final sequence of the game that did it for me.

Down a touchdown with under five minutes left, and with nearly half the stadium in their cars, the Jets ran a double reverse that put the ball inside the 15. The place was going nuts (all 20,000 of them). The very next play was a decent run that Thomas Jones nearly broke. It's now 2 and a long 1 on the Eagles 4. The Jets run it again and get killed. 3 and basically 2 (though it's called 1). Chad, as he did about 4 times this game, tried to run the sneak. He gets killed. 4th down and 1 on the 4. Fade pass to their shortest receiver that was easily defended (and poorly thrown). The Eagles take over with 3 minutes left and the Jets lie down. The Jets had 3 plays from the 4 yard line and threw the ball into the endzone once. It was embarrassing. The fans who were still there were screaming at the Mangina for their pathetic play-calling. Even the Eagles fans were surprised at the level of anger, and they HATE their head coach.

The Jets may win a few more games, and may even beat a few good teams. But they play about as unexciting a brand of football that you have ever seen and at 1-5 no fan gives a shit about moral victories or 10-9 victories by their 3-8 team. They either want to compete or they want a reason to be excited. And at this point they have neither. A fanbase so fired up for this season has been completely demoralized. So while 1-15 is likely out of the question, 45,000 at the final two home games is not. You can't blame that on cameras, Manjunior.

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